


Stuck Together

by Menidhi



Series: Stuck Together + extra [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, College AU, Flashbacks, Fluff, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-10-25
Packaged: 2018-07-29 03:21:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 24,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7668208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menidhi/pseuds/Menidhi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Asahi and Nishinoya are surprised to meet again after two years since Asahi graduated high school, only to be stuck in the campus elevator. As the boys start talking about their high school-times old wounds open up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1; Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> AN:  
> \- I'm not a native English-speaker. You are welcome to point out any grammatical mistakes so I can fix them  
> \- Based on season 1 of Haikyuu, but taking an alternative route  
> \- There are chapters with homophobia in it or mentions of it; I will warn in the beginning of the chapter about that.  
> \- The fic will be in two parts. The first part consists mostly of flashbacks.  
> \- This fic has both Asahis and Nishinoyas p.o.vs

AZUMANE ASAHI

    The rain poured that Monday morning when (a very late) Azumane Asahi ran along the sidewalk. When he had started walking the weather had been cloudy and air thick, but he’d assumed he would make it to his class before the rain. He had been wrong. The shower of rain had come unexpectedly directly after the first sound of thunder and even though he was still half-asleep he forced himself to start running. He’d been studying the whole weekend for his class introduction in Developmental Psychology. His long, brown hair was in a messy bun and he hadn’t had the time to shave because he’d overslept. His eyes were dark because of the lack of sleep and he barely looked around himself while he ran and ran into people several times, apologizing many times to them for his clumsiness. If the Department of Medicine hadn’t been about half a kilometre from his dormitory he would’ve taken the bus. He wished now that he’d actually taken the bus.

    Asahi took a shortcut through the park and had a hard time to get through the many baby carriages that came in his way, hurrying away from the rain as much as he hurried to his intro class. He was reminded of Murphys law and wondered if there wasn’t a hint of truth in it. He had to run through the grass, which was already wet from an earlier rainshower, so that he didn’t need to excuse himself every time he tried to get through the people and the baby carriages. He felt the water get inside his shoes, making his feet uncomfortably wet and cold.

    Asahi slowed down when he arrived at the entrance of the Department of Medicine and tried to regulate his breathing. Two years ago he had been in top shape and had been able to run from his dormitory to the department with ease and without getting winded – two years of cheap ramen noodles and late-night studying had made him physically weak and made him loose several kilos, mostly muscle.

    Asahi took the stairs to the lowest floor and searched after his lecture-hall. When he finally found it, he went to the nearest bathroom to dry his face and hair with rough paper towels. He took off his shoes and tried to dry them with the help of the air hand dryer, but realised it was an impossible task with so little time. Instead he searched for a sofa near his lecture-hall to sit down on and for a last time go through his notes, even though he knew them by heart by now. He’d been lucky when he had found a reading system that helped him easily to remember hard terms and facts. _Would’ve been really nice to know that reading system already in junior high_ , he had thought many times.

    Almost at eight o’clock Asahi started looking around for other students. He was surprised that no one else had sat down to wait to be able to get into the lecture-hall. From experience he knew that many came in at the last minute, but also many came far ahead – like himself, when he didn’t oversleep – because they were afraid to come late.

     Two minutes to eight, Asahi pulled up his phone and checked his schedule. He compared to the lecture-hall number to the one that was on his schedule, and realised he was on the wrong floor. His pulse increased with his growing panic. He absolutely did _not_ want to be the one to come late to the first class, and he wasn’t a person who could just take a scolding or a negative comment as if it wasn’t anything. (He realised Murphy’s Law really existed, or he might’ve been cursed. Maybe both.) He gathered his notes and ran to the nearest elevator and pushed the button.

     He looked up at the black screen above the elevator doors that had glowing, red digital numbers. The elevator descended from floor three to two, but stopped a longer time at floor one. Asahi bit his lip hard and thought _c’mon, I don’t have all the time in the world please I have to come in time to class_. He thought about taking the stairs instead, when the elevator started descending down to his floor and he felt relief in his heart.

    The elevator chimed when it came down to his floor. When the doors opened he could hear the robotic voice of a woman say _Floor 0_ from inside of the elevator. He took the first step into the elevator before he stopped and stared.

 

NISHINOYA YUU

   “Asahi?”

    Asahi had changed. He was thinner, more grown up and with more stubble. But Nishinoya still recognized his old volleyball teammate. He felt his body go numb, how something twisted in his belly as if he had been hit. Memories, good and bad, started playing before his eyes, and Nishinoya tried to shut them out. Not now. He had gotten over it.

   “Nishinoya”, Asahi said”, long time no see.”

    “It really has been some time since last time”, Nishinoya said and managed to keep his voice straight. He smiled.” Two years. You’ve changed a lot.”

    “You too”, Asahi said and Nishinoya could see how Asahi looked at him from top to toe. Nishinoya himself thought he hadn’t changed too much, except that he had gotten an undercut. And gotten thinner and a stubble. Nishinoya felt relieved that he actually looked good now when he met Asahi for the first time in a long time.

   “You’ve let your stubble grow”, Nishinoya noted and he watched Asahis hand automatically start to fumble his stubble.

   “I didn’t have the time to shave”, Asahi explained and looked at the elevator buttons. Asahi didn’t push any of them and instead he moved to stand to the left of Nishinoya. Nishinoya wondered if they were going to the same floor, maybe even the same class introduction. The elevator doors closed and Nishinoya felt a suction in his stomach when the elevator started moving upwards.

   “Is university killing you yet, or?” Nishinoya asked when he looked at Asahis face. Asahi was wet and water droplets fell down from his hair, and Nishinoya realised he seemed to be paler and thinner. More bony.” You’re studying to become a paediatrician, right?”

   “Yes, it’s killing me, and yes, I am”, Asahi answered with a nervous smile”, Um, what are you studying?”

    “Pedagogy. I want to be a P.E. teacher”, Nishinoya said.

    “Ah, it suits you”, Asahi said and both of them nodded”, what course are you taking now?”

    “Developmental Psychology.”

    “What a coincidence”, Asahi wasn’t able to continue when the elevator lights suddenly started to flash. Both of them looked surprised at the lights that flashed a few times before it went dark. Nishinoya felt the suction in his stomach again when the elevator suddenly stopped.

    The darkness embraced them as if it was trying to eat them alive. The only thing that shone was the dim lights of the elevator buttons.

    “It must be the storm”, Asahi said and pushed the button that opened the elevator doors. When nothing happened, Asahi tried to push the button to floor number 4. Nothing.

    “Maybe the power will come back soon”, Nishinoya said.

    They stood there in the darkness in five seconds, and then the silence became embarrassing. Nishinoya had a hard time standing in an elevator with someone he knew a long time ago, especially when their friendship had ended so badly. He desperately tried to come up with something to say, something funny so that it wouldn’t be so embarrassing. Also because he didn’t want Asahi to get panicked. If Asahi was anything like he was two years ago, he probably was starting to have an anxiety attack in the dark right now.

    When Nishinoya finally came up with something to say, Asahi had already started to push the emergency button.

    “Hello?” Asahi said quietly.

    No answer.

    Asahi repeated the same procedure and this time he spoke louder, but no one answered this time either. When Asahi stayed in the same position for a long time and when Nishinoya could hear his breath become jagged, he realised he had to intervene.

    “Asahi, calm down”, Nishinoya said as calmly as he could”, don’t worry. Maybe it’s a power failure and they’re trying to fix it at the moment? Let’s wait and try again later.”

    Asahi didn’t draw his finger from the emergency button. Nishinoya hesitated, but then he carefully put his hand around Asahis wrist and drew it carefully from the emergency button.

    “Let’s sit down”, Nishinoya said and pulled Asahi beside him and helped him to sit down on the floor.” And let’s wait.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens at a summer camp when two boys can speak freely to each other?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:  
> \- Anytime a flashback comes, there will be three dots ( * * * ) to mark it  
> \- You are still welcome to correct my English

NISHINOYA YUU

There was an embarrassing silence between Nishioya and Asahi while they were sitting on the elevator floor, trying to calm down. Nishinoya was thinking about what had happened in high school. It still hurt to think about it, and at the same time as he wanted to talk with Asahi about what it, he also didn’t want to. He felt extremely conflicted.  

    Nishinoya’s eyes had by now gotten used to the dim light and he thought he could see that Asahi face was still pale from chock, but he could hear that Asahis breathing was even, which was good. Nishinoya could also see that Asahi avoided looking at him; his eyes were fixated at a point right in front of him, but sometimes they would wander up to Nishinoyas shoes, sometimes higher up his body. If Asahi suspected that Nishinoya saw him, he would avert his gaze right away to the point somewhere in front of him.

    “Should we try calling again?” Nishinoya suggested and stood up, not waiting for an answer to his question. He pushed the emergency button for ten seconds as the instructions above the button told him to.” Hello?”

    No one answered, and Nishinoya was about to push the button again when he could hear the rasp and static voice that belonged to a woman from the speakers.

    “Hello, how may I help you?” her voice was young, calm and confident.

    “Hi, me and my friend are stuck in an elevator on campus. Department of Medicine. The power doesn’t work either”, Nishinoya explained.

    “It’s probably because of the thunderstorm”, the voice said calmingly.” I’m going to send someone to help you out. Could you please tell me the elevator’s manufacturing number?”

    “Yeah, wait”, Nishinoya searched for the manufacturing number in the elevator and when he found it, he said the numbers at a slow pace so that he wouldn’t get them wrong.

    “Thank you. I’m going to send someone to you and they’ll be there as soon as possible. Is there any need for medical help?”

    “No, we’re fine.”

    “Good. It might take about an hour before you will be able to get out. I will inform the administration at your university about your situation. Push the button if you need help again, or call the administration or the emergency number.”

    “Understood.”

    “Good bye.”

    “Good bye”, Nishinoya sat down again beside Asahi and smiled.” Fixed! I hope you don’t need to go to the toilet.”

    “Don’t worry”, Asahi laughed a little at that.

    The embarrassing silence fell down upon them again. Nishinoya didn’t usually have a hard time to talk with people, but now he felt like it had never been harder to talk to someone. He frantically tried to come up with something to say to break the silence since they would be sitting here for an hour, or maybe even more. Nishinoya felt the hunger in his stomach. He didn’t think it was even 9 o’clock yet, but he would probably still miss his class so he could as well eat something to pass time. He opened his bag and started searching in it for the banana he had packed in earlier. He peeled the banana and realised he should probably offer a bite to Asahi, so he broke the banana in half and gave the other half to Asahi.

    “Here”, Nishinoya smiled. Asahi looked up in surprise at Nishioya, then at the banana. He nodded and took the half.

    “Thanks”, Asahi said gratefully”, I didn’t have time to eat breakfast this morning.”

    “Oh. You can have my lunch then”, Nishinoya started searching for his lunchbox, silently wondering why he was offering his lunch to Asahi. Was he trying to be nice?

    “No, Noya, it’s alright”, Asahi said. Nishinoya stiffened, not because Asahi was rejecting his offer, but because he was using his nickname. It shouldn’t feel weird considering Nishinoya was pretty used to people using his nickname, but somehow he felt that Asahi was too… far away. It felt too intimate. Asahi noticed that he’d done something weird, because when Nishinoya looked at him he almost seemed to draw back from Nishinoya. Nishinoya tried to smile as if nothing had happened.

    “C’mon, when we get out of here, you can treat me for lunch”, Nishinoya almost forced his lunchbox into Asahis hands.

    “But…” Asahi started, but Nishinoya shook his head.

    “Eat”, Nishinoya said. Asahi hesitated, but then he opened the lunchbox. Nishinoya could see a smile in the corner of Asahis mouth, and he felt how light he felt in his stomach because of that smile.

    “It looks really good”, Asahi said.

    “Mom taught me how to cook before I moved from home”, Nishinoya explained.

    “Thank god”, Asahi mumbled, and Nishinoya snorted. Asahi looked at Nishinoya apologetically.

    “I didn’t mean any harm”, Asahi said”, I’m sorry…”

    “No, it’s okay!” Nishinoya said”, you’re right. I really sucked at cooking back in high school.”

    “Maybe a little”, Asahi took a bite of the food.” This is good. You make good food.”

    “Thanks!” Nishinoya said with pride.

    Asahi ate some more before he talked again: “This reminds me of the time when we went with the team to summer camp, that one time we had our practice game against Nekoma, and we got that really good meal Shimizu and Takeda made.”

    “Oh, it was really good”, Nishinoya said and tilted his head back and smiled. It was a good memory.” Heh, and later on when we we’re taking baths and you came up to me, Hinata and Ryuu and like, scared the shit out of us.”

    “I didn’t!” Asahi said a bit upset”, I wasn’t scary, I was being myself!”

    “Look, you couldn’t see yourself from our point of view”, Nishinoya started talking with a lower voice to imitate Asahi”, you were really scary, like ‘ _don’t screeeeaaam, Daichi is going to get super pissed_ ’.”

    Nishinoya made some growling sounds and did a scary face to strengthen his imitation of Asahi.

    “I didn’t look like that at all”, Asahi laughed a bit at Nishinoyas imitation of him. Asahi sighed and looked at the elevator doors.” That conversation we had afterwards was… really nice.”

    Nishinoya didn’t understand at first which conversation Asahi meant, but then he remembered. “Ah, yeah. It felt a bit magical. Like as if the time stood still.”

 

* * *

 

2 YEARS AGO – AZUMANE ASAHI

The air was damp and warm when Asahi got out on the narrow terrace that ran along the back of the house and it faced a small garden, consisting of some flowerbeds and stones, and he could feel the strong smell of wet grass. Asahi sat down on the edge of the terrace, with legs long enough that he could feel the wet grass tickling against his sole. He lent back to look up at the bright night sky and the almost full moon.

    “Hi, Asahi!” Asahi turned around and saw Nishinoya come through the door. Nishinoya’s otherwise spiky haircut still hung heavy and wet. He almost looked like a totally different person with that haircut.

    “Haven’t you dried your hair yet?” Asahi asked, slightly worried”, you’re going to catch a cold…”

    Nishinoya sat down beside Asahi and started to dry his hair with the towel that was around his shoulders with such aggressive movements that Asahi wondered if he didn’t pull several tufts of his hair at the same time. “Now I won’t catch a cold.”

    “It’s not that easy to avoid catching a cold”, Asahi pointed out. Nishinoya rolled his eyes but smiled.

    “You’re starting to sound like my mom”, Nishinoya teased, and Asahi blushed.

    “I’ll take that as a compliment”, he said. Asahi thought that Nishnoya’s mom was pretty cool.

    “You look so much older with your hair out”, Nishinoya commented and his hand started stroking Asahi’s hair.” Well, not old-old, but more grown up. And you look even more like Jesus.”

    “I do not”, Asahi said, and when Nishinoya tugged lightly a wisp of his hair Asahi shuddered and felt goosebumps all over his body. Nishinoya didn’t seem to notice. Asahi let his gaze wander from Nishinoya’s hand to his face.

    He’d missed Nishinoya. Now he didn’t understand how he could’ve been so stupid and pathetic and leaving the team for such a long time. He couldn’t understand how he could’ve started arguing with Nishinoya over one loss. He was ashamed of it. Nishinoya had just tried to make him understand that they couldn’t help that they had lost, and Asahi had only wished that they would admit that it all was his fault, even when it wasn’t. It hurt him to remember Nishinoya’s upset face.

    “What is it?” Nishinoyas voice interrupted Asahis thoughts. Asahi realised that he must’ve let his feelings show on his face, and he turned his head so that Nishinoya couldn’t see his face. At the same time the wisp of Asahi’s hair that Nishinoyas was holding slipped through Nishinoya’s fingers.

    “Nothing. It’s nothing”, Asahi said and tried to collect himself”, I’m… I’m just happy to be back.”

    “Me too”, Nishinoya said with a soft voice”, I’m happy to be back. And that you’re back.”

    Asahi looked at Nishinoya and smiled. Nishinoya smiled even wider back, and Asahi’s heart hurt when he saw how honest and happy Nishinoya was.

    “I really want to play volleyball with you as long as it’s possible”, Nishinoya said”, so don’t even _think_ about dropping out again. I know I was being a real shit to you that one time, but I promise I will try to listen to you better and actually try to talk with you if you’re having a hard time, okay?”

    Asahi looked with a surprised face at Nishinoya, and he felt moved of how important their friendship was to Nishinoya. Asahi wanted him to know that he felt the same thing.

    “I won’t be such a loser in the future”, he said”, and… try to not look so much down on myself in front of you.”

    “You can’t ever do that again”, Nishinoya’s gaze was so intense that Asahi wouldn’t have been able to look away even if he wanted to.” You don’t understand how important you are to me, Asahi. I like you a lot.”

    Asahi felt his heart starting to pound faster, and how the time started slowing down around them.

 

NISHINOYA YUU

Nishinoya couldn’t understand how he’d dared to say that out loud. He hadn’t meant to say it, it was something he’d wanted to keep to himself, because he was definitely not sure about his feelings. Besides, it felt as if it had lately been too much feelings for his part. The argument with Asahi that had resulted in them two not talking to each other, making the following weeks one of the toughest in his life.

    But why had he said something _like that_? That was way too intimate to say to someone who was just one’s friend. He could see from Asahi’s look that he was surprised, almost chocked. Nishinoya thought hard on how he should continue.

    “You’re important for the whole team”, Nishinoya tried, but it didn’t feel like he got it right. Asahi still looked surprised. Nishinoya laughed sheepishly.

    “I think we need to get inside, I’m freezing to death”, Nishinoya said, even though it was hot outside, and got up.

    “Oh”, Asahi said, still looking at Nishinoya, but then he got up and followed Nishinoya inside. They walked in silence to the room where they would be sleeping at. The beds had been put in two rows, creating a narrow corridor in the middle with a bigger gap between the mattresses that where by the door. Almost everyone from the team was already, talking to each other or looking at their phones. When Tanaka Ryuunosuke saw Nishinoya and Asahi come in together, he nodded at them.

    “Where have you been together?” Tanaka asked with a teasing tone.

    “We were out, sitting on the terrace”, Nishinoya said and sat down on the mattress that was closest to the wall right next to Tanaka. Nishinoya saw that Asahi sat down on his mattress on the other side of the corridor, one to the left opposite of Nishinoya, with a slightly pink face.

    “Wow, do you _want_ to catch a cold?” Tanaka asked”, your hair isn’t even dry yet! It’s barely damp! It’s _wet_!”

    “It’s not that easy to take care of hair… but you wouldn’t understand”, Nishinoya laughed with a devilish grin.

    “Excuse you, but I look extremely good with or without hair”, Tanaka said and made one of his faces that was supposed to look threatening.

    “I can’t even remember what colour your hair is anymore”, Nishinoya continued”, Maybe we’ll never know, maybe you _can’t_ grow hair anymore!”

    “Noya, you little shit!” Tanaka attacked Nishinoya, and they started wrestling on Nishinoya’s mattress.

    “Can you two idiots calm down?” Sawamura Daichis low, annoyed tone could be heard from the other side of the room”, or do you want to warm the bench at our practice game?”

    “Oh, let them be, Daichi”, Sugawara Koushi said, while the other boys started chanting _fight, fight, fight_ and some started chanting either Tanaka’s or Nishinoya’s names.

    The fight was cut short when coach Ukai entered the room.

    “ _Boys_!” The power of their coach’s voice silenced them all and made them sit down on their own mattresses. Ukai continued with a calmer voice.” Time to sleep. I don’t want to hear shit from you before 7 o’clock tomorrow. Good night.”

    “Good night!” the team said in unison, and Ukai turned off the lights. It became pitch black in the room, and the boys went to bed. After some whispering most of them had gotten silent.

    Nishinoya was wide awake. He didn’t want to look at his phone to see how late it was, but it felt like an eternity to wait for sleep to come. He could hear his teammates fall asleep one after one when their breathing became deeper and more regular. Sometimes he could hear the rustle of someone changing their sleeping position, or when someone snored.

    Nishinoya turned around on his stomach and put his arms around his pillow. He saw Tanaka, who had fallen asleep a long time ago, sleeping soundly beside him. His gaze wandered to the opposite row in front of him, until his eyes stopped at Asahi.

    Asahis hair was scattered like sunbeams over his pillow, and Nishinoya could see his face was for once totally relaxed and soft. The moonlight that shone through the window illuminated Asahi’s face to a blue-white glow, and Nishinoya thought about what he had told Asahi, that Asahi was important to him. Nishinoya wanted to hit himself because he had said that out loud. Now he could only hope that Asahi took it… “the right way”.

    Nishinoya couldn’t fall asleep before the late hours, and when he fell asleep he thought of Asahi.

 

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asahi has a lot on his mind and it's mostly about Nishinoya

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:  
> \- Thanks for the kudos + comment! It really makes my day to see that you people out there like this fic!
> 
> Warnings: mentions of homophobia

NISHINOYA YUU

Nishinoya had pulled his legs close to himself and held them close to his chest. He could still remember every word he had said to Asahi that night on the terrace during their summer training camp. It was a memory that made him want to hit himself in the face. People often told him that he wasn’t good at hiding his feelings and at times he was a bit too honest. He hadn’t been ready to say _that_ out loud, and he really wished he had said it on another occasion, or in a better way. Not out of the blue. It didn’t seem like he had grown up from it, when he again said something as embarrassing. _It felt a bit magical. Like as if time stood still._ Who said something as stupid as that? Then again, Asahi had admitted that it had been a nice conversation. Nishinoya wanted to know exactly which part had been the nicest to Asahi.

    Nishinoya could retrospectively see that what he said that night had been the beginning of the end between him and Asahi. Everything had gone down very wrong after that. Well, not all, but a lot. If he hadn’t said it, then maybe he and Asahi wouldn’t be stuck together in an elevator like two strangers with an awkward silence between them. He wondered what their lives would look like. Would they have kept contact after high school? Would they be sharing an apartment because they studied in the same university?

    “Noya?” Nishinoya twitched when he heard Asahi’s voice. It sounded uncertain, and Nishinoya hoped that they wouldn’t continue talking about the terrace-happening. He didn’t know what to say about it without feeling stupid.

    “Yeah?” Nishinoya said and started building a physical defence wall around him.

    “You remember that after the Inter-High tournament me, Daichi and Suga had to choose if we would stay in the team?” Nishinoya heard Asahi’s clothes rustle as he changed his position. Nishinoya looked at Asahi and saw that he was turned towards Nishinoya. Asahi’s dark eyes shone in the elevator’s dim lightning.

    “Yeah, of course I do”, Nishinoya said, wondering where this conversation was going.

    “I didn’t exactly know if I should stay or not”, Asahi confessed”, I didn’t exactly want to go to university directly after high school, but my parents… well, you know. I did want to do well in the final exams, but at the same time I didn’t want to stop playing volleyball. I liked being on the team. It… felt good to be a part of something.”

    “You were an important part of the team”, Nishinoya agreed”, and you were really good! You could’ve been coached!”

    “That I was good at volleyball wasn’t the key part in my decision, even though it was a part of it”, Asahi said quietly. Nishinoya tilted his head and looked at Asahi, waiting for him to continue. Asahi breathed out slowly.” I stayed in the team because you said I was important to you. And if I wasn’t on the team, I wouldn’t be able to meet you as often as I did. And… I wanted to be with you so much.”

    Nishinoya swallowed loudly.

 

* * * 

 

2 YEARS AGO – ASAHI AZUMANE

    “I don’t plan to go to university anyway”, Asahi had said to Daichi and Sugawara when all three of them had talked about their future plans during lunch break. Asahi had been thinking about taking a year off and work. He would save up money for a trip and for some extra money when he finally started studying.

    He had been thinking like that ever since second grade in high school. He wanted to take it easy, do something he wanted to do. And he still wanted to take a year off, but now there was another reason too.

    Ever since that night on the terrace when they had been on the training camp Asahi had been thinking about the conversation he had had with Nishinoya. He had gone through everything Nishinoya had said, how he’d reacted, what he’d done. He had looked on the matter from different point of views, but had come to the conclusion that nobody said “you’re important to me” and “I like you a lot” unless you were best friends. He and Nishinoya were good friends, but not best friends. And hadn’t Nishinoya been pretty obvious, continuing with “you’re important for the whole team” because he realised how intimate it had been to say something like that? Nishinoya had seemed so intense and honest that Asahi didn’t want to believe that it was just Nishinoya not thinking before he talked, that he’d actually meant it in a friendly manner.

    Asahi didn’t want to believe it, because ever since that night he had realised he was head over heels in love with Nishinoya, and that he’d been that for a long time, just nor realising it himself before now. He wanted to stay another year with Nishinoya. They could go studying together, share an apartment, spend time together…

    He knew it was his feelings that controlled him, which wasn’t good. Not at all. He’d rather his anxiety controlled him than his love for Nishinoya, because at least he was much more careful. Lately he’d been making more impulsive decisions than before. He knew it wasn’t very good, but he couldn’t help it; to ignore all his other duties to keep Nishinoya company suddenly didn’t only feel like a good idea, but also like something he _needed_ to do. He always felt so blessed when he was with Nishinoya, and he could never get enough of his company. It was stupid, of course, because he also knew that he would never have the guts to confess to Nishinoya. Nishinoya seemed to like girls so much that sometimes Asahi wondered if he even was bi- or pansexual.

    Besides, Asahi’s parents had a very different opinion on Asahi’s future plans. It wasn’t as if they forced him to apply to a university, but it was pretty obvious that it was what they wanted him to do. They wouldn’t probably like that he continued with his club activities when he should be reading for his final exams. He could already hear them try to convince him to drop out and study instead.

    Asahi knew that it would be tough to practice with the team _and_ study. But he wasn’t stupid. He knew what he wanted to be in the future, and during his time in high school he had put a lot of effort to get high grades in the subjects that he needed to get into the right university and become a paediatrician. He knew that continuing being on the team meant that he wouldn’t have much time for himself in the future, but why would he care about it now? Didn’t Takeda say that they should make choices that they wouldn’t regret in five or ten years?

 

 

    “Asahi!” Asahi looked up from the bench where he sat and ate his lunch. Nishinoya came walking towards him, waving eagerly. Asahi smiled and felt his limbs grow soft and his chest becoming warm.

    “Noya”, he said”, How did you find me here?”

    “I saw you from the road. I had to go to the dentist during school hours”, Nishinoya explained and sat down beside Asahi, and it was then when Asahi realised that Nishinoya talked a bit funny.” I had a cavity, but it’s fixed now.”

    “Oh. Well, good”, Asahi said”, you must be hungry.”

    “Yeah, but I can’t feel my jaw or my tongue”, Nishinoya said”, I decided to take anaesthesia, so now I can’t even taste anything or keep my food in my mouth!”

    Asahi laughed a bit, and they sat there some time in silence. Asahi realised suddenly that he was sitting _alone_ with Nishinoya. No teammates to disturb them. His heart beat a bit faster. This was actually the perfect opportunity to tell him…

    “Asahi”, Nishinoya said”, I’m really happy that you decided not to drop out from the team, even though you have finals to study for.”

    Asahi felt his heart skip a beat again. He was reminded of the terrace-incident, and he wondered if Nishinoya was going to bring it up.

    “Oh, yeah”, Asahi nodded”, I really like volleyball.”

    “You must really like it if you’re putting your whole future on the last tournament even though you might not continue with it after high school”, Nishinoya looked at Asahi”, Or will you?”

    “I really want to play in the Spring tournament and hang out with you”, Asahi said. He felt more and more nervous by the second. Had he really just said “hang out with you” rather than “hang out with the team”? Why couldn’t he suddenly control what he was going to say?

    “And I want to hang out with you before you leave”, Nishinoya said smiling, but suddenly his face changed and it became more serious.” But you have to promise me something.”

    “What?”

    “If you’re not doing well in school, or you don’t have any time to study, then you have to stop”, Asahi wondered if he’d ever seen Nishinoya this serious when he wasn’t playing volleyball”, I don’t want to see your future destroyed because of me or the team. I want it to go well for you.”

     Asahi felt surprised. He hadn’t thought that Nishinoya would actually have thought that much over the fact that he was staying in the team. He felt a bit moved that Nishinoya wanted Asahi to do well.

    “Don’t worry, Noya. I promise that it won’t happen”, Asahi ensured him. That made Nishinoya smile.

    “Good!” Nishinoya said”, we could maybe study together some day?”

    “Yes, that sounds good”, Asahi said, surprised by the offer. He opened his mouth again, but didn’t say anything. He had told himself he would never be able to tell Nishinoya about his feelings for him. But this opportunity was perfect. I was as if every piece of him _wanted_ to tell Nishinoya, regardless of the consequences.

    “Noya, there’s something I have to tell you”, Asahi said, feeling his mouth go dry.

    “Yeah?”

    “Well, I-“

    “Nishinoya!”

    Asahi and Nishinoya looked around and saw a teacher at the door. The teacher waved to Nishinoya to come over to him, and Nishinoya stood up.

    “I’ll come back!” Nishinoya said and started running towards the teacher. The teacher seemed to talk about something important, because he was showing Nishinoya several papers and Nishinoya nodded several times. Suddenly, the teacher turned around and walked inside again. Nishinoya waved goodbye to Asahi and said something to him, but Asahi wasn’t able to read his lips because of the distance. Asahi felt his shoulders drop and he sighed. Was there some sort of curse that when you finally told someone about your feelings for them, you got disrupted?

 

 

**Nishinoya:** What did u want 2 tell me earlier today??

Asahi looked at the message he’d gotten from Nishinoya. It was almost ten in the evening and Asahi was still awake studying. He’d gotten the message three minutes ago, but Asahi didn’t know what to answer.

    Afterwards, he thought that it was probably for the best that he hadn’t told his feelings for Nishinoya. It wasn’t good in case Nishinoya actually didn’t have feelings for Asahi. And they wouldn’t be able to be open with their relationship anyway. Two guys dating. People would be talking. What if they got isolated because of it, what if they got attacked? The thought of Nishinoya beaten down because he was together with a guy made Asahi realise that maybe it was better like this. So far, at least.

**Asahi:** Sorry, I forgot ^^’ I’ll tell you if I remember! What did the teacher want to talk to you about?

**Nishinoya:** Hahahahahaha… that i have to study more math, nothing else rly

**Asahi:** You have to. We could work on it when we’re studying together!

**Nishinoya:** ugh


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A walk in the dark with your crush might be the best idea ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:  
> Chapter 4 and 5 will only be flashback-chapters.

* * *

2 YEARS AGO – NISHINOYA YUU

 

“Don’t you think Asahi is acting weird?”

    Tanaka looked up from his phone and at Asahi. At that moment, Asahi glanced at Nishinoya and got a surprised look when he realised Nishinoya and Tanaka were watching him, so he looked away fast. Because of that, Asahi never saw the ball Sugawara was serving to him, and he didn’t have time to react to it so when he tried to hit the ball it flew in the wrong direction and right in the back of Daichi’s head. Nishinoya and Tanaka looked with amusement as Daichi turned around to give Asahi a murdering glare, and Asahi put his arms up to his defence and started apologizing.

    “I don’t know”, Tanaka said”, Not really. What makes you think that?”

    Nishinoya shrugged. Asahi had been acting strange all week. He’d caught Asahi looking at him several times, just to look away with red cheeks when Nishinoya caught him staring. When they were talking it almost felt as if… as if Asahi was keeping a secret from him, Nishinoya couldn’t explain it any other way.

    During the week it had become a habit for him and Asahi to eat lunch together. Nishinoya liked it, he felt his heart grow bigger in his chest every time he thought about having lunch with Asahi. They had never been that close before. But Asahi was acting weird and it bothered Nishinoya.

    “Has he done or said something?” Tanaka asked.

    “Not really”, Nishinoya said”, it just _feels_ weird. Different, somehow.”

    Tanaka looked at Asahi, who had gone back to hitting Sugawara’s serves. Then, Asahi once again looked at Nishinoya, only to look away again, Tanaka’s eyes grew wider.

    “He’s looking over here again!” Tanaka said, surprised”, does he do that often?”

    “Yeah!” Nishinoya nodded eagerly”, he does that, like, _all the time_. I asked him once what he was looking at, and he just said ‘nothing’ and ignored when I tried to talk about it!”

    Tanaka had a thoughtful look on his face, and he looked from Nishinoya to Asahi. He started grinning when he once again spotted Asahi cast a glance at Nishinoya.

    “Do you think he _likes_ you?”

    Nishinoya froze. He laughed a little and shook his head. “What are you talking about?”

    “Hey! Noya, Tanaka, are you just going to sit there all day tying your shoelaces?” Daichi shouted from the other side of the gym. Tanaka put his phone away and they both stood up to start passing to each other.

    “But what if?” Tanaka said. Nishinoya didn’t want to talk about it when anyone could hear, so he shook his head and put a finger to his lips. Tanaka nodded and they continued the practice like they always did. Nishinoya looked at Asahi a couple of times to see if Asahi was looking at him, and when he caught him looking Asahi looked away so fast that Nishinoya wondered if his neck wouldn’t snap off soon.

    What if Asahi _did_ like him? Nishinoya felt the warmth from his heart spread out in his body, and thoughts that really weren’t fitting for the situation started going around in his head like a film, thoughts that he’d often would have about Asahi lately. What would it be like to walk hand-in-hand with him, kiss him, draw his fingers through Asahi’s long, beautiful hair… When they were training at receiving balls Nishinoya was so unfocused that he missed many of them, and once he saved the ball with his head. The ball flew away towards the left wall and almost hit Kiyoko in the head, hadn’t she been fast enough to duck.

    “Nishinoya, focus!” Ukai said. Nishinoya nodded and was able to focus, saving the next ball perfectly.

    “What are you thinking about, Noya?” he could hear Tanaka tease from where he stood. Nishinoya grimaced at him.

    Nishinoya was almost happy when practice was finally over. He couldn’t stop thinking. It was all Tanakas fault; he shouldn’t have encouraged Nishinoya to think that Asahi liked him.

    “Nishinoya,” Tanaka said in a low voice”, I have to get going, so I can’t clean. Don’t tell Daichi.”

    “I’ll cover for you”, Nishinoya said with a grin and started cleaning the floor faster than he usually did. Tanaka smiled and snuck out of the room as soon as Daichi and Sugawara had their backs turned.           

    When Nishinoya was done he went to the changing room to take a shower. He showered longer than usual; he let the cool water flush his thoughts away, something he did often when he had too much to think about.

    “Don’t waste too much water, Noya”, Sugawara said from the changing room.” See you tomorrow!”

    “Bye!” Nishinoya’s shout echoed in the showers. He massaged his scalp for a while before getting out of the shower to dry himself and get dressed.

    He had everything except for his shoes on when the toilet door suddenly opened, and Nishinoya gasped frightened and looked up. When he saw that it was only Asahi, he started laughing.

    “Asahi, you scared me!” he said and put on his shoes”, seriously… I didn’t know anybody was still here.”

    “Mhm”, Asahi smiled a bit”, I was in the toilet.”

    “I can see that”, Nishinoya said and stood up”, we could walk home together? Don’t we live pretty close?”

    “Yeah, it seems like that”, Asahi said, and Nishinoya thought of how weird that statement sounded.

    They walked in silence out of the gym and out of the school grounds. Nishinoya had suddenly a hard time to come up with something to talk about, and to his surprise it was Asahi who started a conversation this time.

    “Who is Tanaka messaging with all the time?” Asahi asked.

    “What? Is he?” Nishinoya said and started thinking. Tanaka _had_ been messaging someone during practice, but Nishinoya had assumed it was his mom. When he thought about it even more, hadn’t Tanaka been messaging a lot more during recess too?” I _guess_ he is messaging more than usual, but I don’t know who it would be. Probably his mom or something.”

    “Do you think that…” Asahi smiled a little”, it’s a girl?”

   Nishioya’s eyes widened. “You think so? Shit, I didn’t even think about that option!” Nishinoya thought about it, but then he shook his head.” Actually, no, I don’t think so. If he was, he would boast about it, there’s not a chance he would shut up about something that. I mean, he would’ve told me about it, at least.”

    “True”, Asahi nodded”, it’s probably his mom.”

    “The only girl that can love him”, Nishinoya snickered.

    They continued walking in silence, and Nishinoya knew they would have to take different routes soon. He looked up at Asahi sometimes, but now Asahi wasn’t glancing at Nishinoya, only looking sternly forward. When they came to a small park, Asahi suddenly stopped.

    “Noya”, Asahi said, and Nishinoya turned around and looked up at him. The atmosphere had suddenly changed; he could feel the tension in the air, thick around him that somehow made it hard for him to move or to speak.

    “Yeah?” Nishinoya said, and he felt it sounded more uncertain that he wanted to. Asahi didn’t say anything. Nishinoya could see from his eyes that he was thinking about something.

    Nothing happened. Asahi didn’t continue.

    When Nishinoya opened his lips to say something, to break the silence, Asahi had put his warm hands on Nishinoya’s shoulders and started leaning downwards. Not a second later he felt Asahi’s warm, wet lips against his dry ones. Nishinoya suddenly felt dizzy, his stomach twisted, and he couldn’t concentrate on anything but Asahi’s lips and that Asahi’s stubble tickled his chin. He didn’t even dare to breath, it felt wrong in this situation, even though he felt his lungs screaming for air.

   When Asahi’s lips disappeared Nishinoya wished that they’d been against his for a longer time, and he wanted to reach for Asahi and hold him. But Asahi had backed away from Nishinoya.

    “See you tomorrow”, Asahis voice was thin, and Nishinoya could see panic growing in Asahi’s eyes. Asahi turned around and started running away.

    Nishinoya stood there, chocked of what had happened. He could still feel Asahi’s lips against his, could still feel the warmth, and scared of already forgetting the kiss he played it over and over, going through every detail.

    Asahi had kissed him. It felt like every piece was connected. Asahi’s stares. Asahi _did_ like him. Tanaka had been right. Nishinoya felt joy fill his body, and he almost ran all the way home because he was so happy. Asahi had kissed him and it meant that Asahi liked him. Nishinoya laughed. Asahi was so awkward! He’d kissed Nishinoya _before_ even telling him, or tried telling him, that he liked him! He was so clumsy and dorky, but god, Nishinoya liked him so much!

    That night he had a hard time to sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about Asahi. Tomorrow he had to talk to Asahi, and Nishinoya was thinking about finally asking him out.

 

* * * 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asahi makes some important decisions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:  
> \- Flashback-only chapter  
> \- Language-wise, this was the hardest chapter so far to write. I've edited it twice, but be warned.  
> \- Thanks for the kudos + comments!  
> Warning: Homophobia

* * * 

2 YEARS AGO – ASAHI AZUMANE

Asahi slept for only two hours that night. The memory of Nishinoya’s surprised face, big brown eyes staring at him were etched in his memory. The memory of Nishinoya’s lips against his wouldn’t leave him alone either, it only made him want to have more of Nishinoya. He couldn’t stop thinking about if he just had been braver, if he’d kissed him deeper, pulled Nishinoya closer…

   At the same time he was terrified. He’d kissed Nishinoya. He’d _kissed_ Nishinoya. And then he just said _See you tomorrow_ and ran away like a scared cat. He didn’t understand how he could be so _stupid_. He would need to explain to Nishinoya, and he felt his stomach twitch just to think about having to have to talk about what had happened. He was so nervous because now he really had to tell Nishinoya about his feelings, and that the kiss had meant something. Besides, he had ran away before he actually could see if Nishinoya had been okay with Asahi kissing him. What if Nishinoya had thought that it was too intimate, or what if he didn’t even like Asahi? What if he was grossed out?

    He didn’t understand how he’d dared to kiss Nishinoya but not tell him how he felt about him. Was he really that stupid?

    When he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror that morning he could see that he was pale, with dark circles around his half-lidded eyes. His head pounded of how tired he was and he tried to wake himself up by washing his face with ice-cold water. When he looked at himself in the mirror again he realised that he had to do something to his face and hair, something new, something that would make him look better. He started with shaving his stubble and continued with brushing his hair. He tried out some hairstyles, until he just decided to make a messier version of his usually hairdo. He tried to put some of his mother’s foundation to hide the dark circles around his eyes, but had to wash it away because the colour didn’t match his skincolour.

    “Asahi, what are you doing in the bathroom?” he heard his mother’s voice from behind the door and immediately started to feel ashamed of taking such a long time – he really hoped his mother didn’t suspect he was doing something less innocent than making himself ready for school.

    “Wait!” Asahi said and looked in the mirror once more before unlocking the door and letting his mother enter. His mother inspected his new hairdo and sighed.

    “What did you do to your hair? You can’t look this messy when you’re going to school”, she said and started fixing his hair. Asahi let her do that, only to fix it back when she had gone into the bathroom.    

    Asahi got more nervous the closer he came to school. What if he bumped into Nishinoya on the way? What would he say to him? He realised that he didn’t even _know_ how he should explain this whole kissing thing to Nishinoya. What if he said the wrong things? _Why didn’t I plan what to say last night when I couldn’t sleep anyway?_

    But he didn’t meet Nishinoya on his way to school, and he felt both relieved and disappointed about it. He calmed down a bit and walked faster to school. He would see Nishinoya during lunch or practice anyway and try to come up with what to say before that.

    Asahi realised that he was actually pretty early today as he only saw a handful of pupils when he entered the school building. None of them were Nishinoya, but Asahi knew that Nishinoya wasn’t a person to arrive early to school unless they had morning practice.

    That’s why he was so surprised to see Tanaka, who was probably even worse at coming in time to school than Nishinoya.

   Tanaka came out of the dean’s office, and Asahi got very worried when he saw that Tanaka had been in a fight. His right eye was bruised and was so swollen you nearly couldn’t see the eye itself. When Tanaka came closer, Asahi could see that there was dried blood in his nostrils and a cut on his upper lip. Asahi grew cold inside when he saw Tanaka’s devastated face, which felt weird as Tanaka seemed like a guy to boast if he’d been in a fight with someone.

    “Jesus, Tanaka, what happened to you?” Asahi asked. Tanaka flinched when he heard Asahi, and he looked up at him.

    “It’s nothing. I got in a fight”, Tanaka said gloomily, looking away.

    “With _whom_?” Asahi knew Tanaka could be provoking, but he rarely actually ended up in any fights.

    “Some guys from the third grade”, Tanaka mumbled and looked around him, as if he were looking for these guys from the third grade. _Is he scared_? Asahi thought.  

    “All the third grade guys against you? But why?” Asahi wondered if he was digging too deep, what if this was personal and not just a typical high school fight?

     “Well… not really… ” Tanaka’s voice broke,” Fuck… Asahi… They… they’re…”

    Asahi had only seen Tanaka this broken-down after their game against Aoba Johsai, but this seemed to be on a whole another level. He knew that Tanaka wasn’t easy to break, he had self-confidence made out of the hardest stone.

    “Calm down”, Asahi said calmly”, let’s go somewhere else and talk.”

    Tanaka nodded, and Asahi took him to an empty changing room. Asahi sat down on the bench and Tanaka sat down beside him. Asahi could see that Tanaka’s eyes were wet, and he felt even colder inside. How could some guys from third grade break Tanaka like this? What exactly had they done?

    “Tell me what happened”, Asahi said softly, and Tanaka nodded but didn’t say anything. His foot started drumming the floor and he didn’t look at Asahi.” Take your time.”

    “I…” Tanaka began, but then cleared his throat before continuing”, the guys from third grade walked in on me and Ennoshita yesterday.”

    Asahi froze. Were Tanaka and Ennoshita _together_? He felt how it became harder for him to breath, for some reason. He nodded to encourage Tanaka to continue, even though Tanaka wasn’t even looking at him.

    “We… we kept it a secret. You know how it is, sometimes”, Tanaka said, his voice thick, holding back tears”, we thought we were alone. Then, they… they saw us, and started talking a lot of shit, and… and I just got so _fucking_ mad, because they being idiots about it, and I couldn’t stop myself…”

    Asahi saw tears stream down Tanaka’s face, and Tanaka dried them aggressively away with the back of his hand, his face becoming more and more furious.

    “They were so many, and they were just continuing to…” Tanaka swallowed”, fuck, Ennoshita can’t even fight, and he ended up in the hospital…”

    Tanaka didn’t continue, and he stayed silent a long time. Asahi realised that perhaps he didn’t want to continue.

    “But you told the dean”, Asahi said”, and explained it was a hate crime?”

    Tanaka laughed bitterly. “Well. I did try.”

    “… He didn’t listen?”

    “The third graders are suspended for the time being, I don’t know if they’ll get expelled”, Tanaka said and finally looked Asahi in the eyes.” I _only_ got detention for fighting.”

    Asahi stared at Tanaka and then shook his head. “What was he thinking? Those guys should be expelled right away!”

    “I said that too, but apparently I shouldn’t ‘try to do the deans work for him’”, Tanaka said with a mocking, nasal tone”, Ennoshita had to go to the fucking hospital, but it doesn’t seem to bother the dean at all… fucking tells a lot about him.”

    Asahi sat silent beside Tanaka, because he didn’t know what to say or to do, and he felt helpless not knowing how to console his teammate.

    “Tanaka, you have the team on your side. You have me on your side. Your and Ennoshita’s”, Asahi said”, we’re not going to let anything like this happen to you again. I promise you. I’m supporting the both of you.”

    “Thanks, Asahi, but you shouldn’t promise something like that. I don’t know how many in our team are that open-minded”, Tanaka said and looked down on his hands”, But thanks.”

    Asahi nodded. He knew he couldn’t promise something like that when he wasn’t strong enough himself to make a change, but there was a raging fire burning beneath his skin. He wanted justice for Tanaka’s sake.

 

    Asahi didn’t get time to talk with Nishinoya in the following three days about what had happened in the park. Instead he quietly followed the gossip about Tanaka and Ennoshita spread all over the school, furious over the fact that he couldn’t come up with anything to make it stop. Many didn’t seem to care too much about the secret relationship, but there were others who had different reasons to make it worse for the victims. Ennoshita didn’t come to school during these three days, and so Tanaka was alone on the battlefield. Well, not completely alone. Nishinoya was always seen with Tanaka, and whenever someone stared or whispered, he seemed to almost shoot lasers from his eyes at them. It was pretty funny to watch, considering it worked very well. Nishioya could be intimidating when he wanted to.

    The practices were much quieter, especially considering Tanaka understandably didn’t feel like liven them up. Everyone were more careful and nicer, even if they still trained as hard as they could for the Spring tournament.

    When Ennoshita finally returned to school the rumours of his and Tanaka’s secret relationship had been replaced with newer gossips and rumours, but Asahi could still see people look after them. He knew that now that they’d been forced out of the closet they were easy victims. He could almost see the tension between Tanaka and Ennoshita during practice. They rarely spoke, and Tanaka, who was an extremely intimate person, never touched Ennoshita, which became more clear when he didn’t seem to have problems going near other teammates.  

    Asahi had been too concentrated on Tanaka to think about anything else, but when things finally calmed down, he got time to think about himself and his situation.

    Asahi realised how well he had it. He looked a bit intimidating, so people would usually leave him alone. But many knew how he really were. Too kind for his own good and a scaredy-cat. What if they found out that he was actually gay?

    What if they would find out about him and Nishinoya?

    If he hadn’t kissed Nishinoya in the park but at school, couldn’t they have been the victims, not Tanaka and Ennoshita?

    He knew it would have been dangerous to be in an open relationship with a person of the same sex, and now it seemed as if it was as dangerous even if you kept it a secret. He could barely breathe when he thought about Nishinoya being the one to be attacked, face bruised and bleeding. Would they be able to manage to almost constantly be insulted for their love, constantly being stared at? What would their parents say?

    Asahi knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He only had more or less half a year left of school, but Nishinoya had at least one and a half, meaning he would have to go through hell alone. He would never be able to let Nishinoya go through that alone.

    He decided he wouldn’t tell Nishinoya about his feelings.

 

* * * 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth is finally revealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:  
> \- Thank you so much for the kudos and the comments! I'm so happy to read all the comments, your thoughts about the chapters and etc, I get a real boost in my self confidence!

ASAHI AZUMANE

    “Why?” Nishinoya’s voice wasn’t louder than a whisper. Asahi realised how close he was to Nishinoya when he felt his breath brush his cheek.  

    Asahi had never told Nishinoya how he actually felt for him. He’d never managed to do it, not after everything that had happened. He suddenly remembered Takeda’s words. _Make a choice that you won’t regret in five, ten years_. He’d chosen the wrong path, and he regretted that he hadn’t stood up for himself and done what he should’ve done. But it’s always easy to say that when you already know the outcome.

    “Because I love you”, Asahi said with a low voice. Nishinoya’s eyes widened, and his eyes looked at Asahi’s face with a hint of suspicion, as if he was trying to see if Asahi was lying.

    “You love me? Not love _d_?” Nishinoya said suspiciously, confirming Asahi’s thoughts.

    Asahi nodded. “I still love you.”

    Nishinoya was silent. He looked away at the closed elevator doors.

    “Why didn’t you say it?” Nishinoya asked silently, his voice sounded so weird when he was sad”, why didn’t you say it back then?”

    Asahi hated to see Nishinoya this sad. It was as if going back to two years ago.

 

* * *

2 YEARS AGO – NISHINOYA YUU

During three days Nishinoya’s life had been revolving around standing next to Tanaka when he was at his worst. He was more than willing to do it, because nobody should be beaten down for who they liked. Only the thought of it made Nishinoya so furious that he wanted to hit someone. He wished he’d been there to protect Tanaka and Ennoshita, even though he knew there was no way he would’ve been able to know what would happen to them, and therefore not actually being able to do anything about it. He hadn’t known about the secret relationship between Tanaka and Ennoshita because Nishinoya had naturally assumed that Tanaka was as straight as Nishinoya… so in the end, not so straight after all. They had both had their high school crushes on Kiyoko, and so Nishnoya hadn’t questioned anything.  

    “So, when were you going to tell me that you were cheating on Shimizu with Ennoshita?” Nishinoya asked Tanaka jokingly when they were cleaning the gym after the practice.

Tanaka smiled. “Shimizu will always have a place in my heart, but I’m happily together with Ennoshita”, he said”, we’ve only been together for a month, though.”

    “Woah! A month, and you were able to keep it a secret for so long?” Nishinoya said eagerly”, How did you realise you two were in love with each other?”

    Tanaka blushed, but his smile was wide and he came closer to Nishinoya. “We kind of… just looked at each other for a long time, you know, like people who are crushing do. Anyway, a month ago we both stayed after practice, because Ennoshita said he wanted to show me a thing he’d learnt.”

    “What kind of thing?”  Nishinoya asked.

    “Oh, well… I think it’s called _Frenching_ ,” Tanaka said, still smiling wide but much redder than before. Nishinoya started laughing.

    “How very straightforward of Ennoshita!” Nishinoya said, and even Tanaka started laughing.” Was he good?”

    “Well, I don’t think he’d kissed anyone before”, Tanaka said, continuing mopping the floor”, But neither had I, so we were both kind of crappy. But it was still a nice kiss.”

    “Ahh, I’m jealous”, Nishinoya said, and then snickered.” My first kiss wasn’t that intimate.”

    “What? When did you have your first kiss?” Tanaka said, surprised. Nishinoya caught a glimpse of Asahi walking out of the gym, and Nishinoya realised he had to talk to Asahi about what had happened in the park. Get that happening sorted out, in the best way possible, of course.

    “Ryuu, I’ll come back, wait here”, Nishinoya said, and before Tanaka could open his mouth Nishinoya had ran out of the gym. He could see Asahi walking through a corridor through the window in the building next to the gym.

    “Asahi, wait!” Nishinoya was able to catch up with Asahi. Asahi turned around and almost looked scared.” We have to talk.”

    “About what?” Asahi’s eyes wandered from Nishinoya to the floor beside him. Nishinoya could clearly see that Asahi knew exactly what he wanted to talk about.

    “You know what about”, Nishinoya said, cheeks growing red.” When… when you kissed me in the park.”

    “Oh. Um…” Nishinoya could see Asahi’s jaw clenching. He still didn’t look at Nishinoya.” That was a mistake. I didn’t know what I was doing. I’m sorry.”

    Nishinoya froze. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears, and he laughed nervously. “Haha… what the fuck are you talking about, Asahi? That sure didn’t _feel_ like a mistake.”

    Asahi swallowed, his face filled with pain. “Well, it was. I shouldn’t have done it, especially since… since you misunderstood.”

    “What?” Nishinoya breathed deeply, but it didn’t feel like he got any air into his lungs. That couldn’t be right, now could it? Had he really misunderstood everything? He suddenly felt very unsure and stupid.

    “It was an impulse”, Asahi said with a thin voice”, I’m sorry, Noya, I really shouldn’t have done it. I’m really sorry… please, can we still be friends? I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings…”

    Nishinoya didn’t listen. He felt extremely embarrassed. Had Asahi never liked him more than a friend? Had he really misunderstood everything? He felt anger blooming from his chest, simmer through his veins, tickle his fingers.

    “How could you kiss me when you didn’t even like me? You seem to have… realised what I felt for you, so… why?” Nishinoyas voice was low, like the calm before a storm. He couldn’t control his anger anymore.” How could you do that to me, Asahi? And then take it back? Is it because you’re such a big fucking coward?”

    Asahi flinched. Even though Asahi often called himself a coward, he didn’t like when others did. Nishinoya knew it, and he felt good saying it, seeing Asahi’s hurt face.

    “Noya…” Asahi began, but was interrupted.

    “ _Do I look like a fucking child to you, Asahi_?” Nishinoya almost screamed, he couldn’t hold his rage inside anymore”, _don’t you think it would’ve been better to **not** kiss me_? _What fucker kisses someone like that without even **liking** them?_”

    Nishinoya didn’t know when he’d come so close to Asahi, when he’d pulled Asahi’s collar so hard that Asahi’s neck grew red were his shirt cut in his skin and his own knuckles grew white. “Didn’t you think I could handle a ‘no’?! Do you think I’m some fucking loser like you?!”

    Asahi finally looked Nishinoya in the eyes, his stare firm and stone-cold.

    “You’re not taking a ‘no’ very well right now”, Asahi said coldly. Nishinoya’s eyes widened, and slowly he let go of his collar.

    “Fuck you, Asahi Azumane”, Nishinoya felt tears burning behind his eyes and saw Asahi’s face become blurry, but even so Nishinoya was able to hit him in the jaw.

    “Hey! Noya, calm down!” Nishinoya could hear Sugawara’s voice behind him, but Nishinoya didn’t feel like talking with anyone right now. He stormed past Asahi, accidentally hitting his shoulder against Asahis upper arm because he couldn’t see a thing with tears running down his face. He walked faster and faster through the corridors until he finally found the bathrooms, and he locked himself into a stall.

 

ASAHI AZUMANE

    “What exactly was that about?” Sugawara asked Asahi.

    Asahi couldn’t answer. The left side of his jaw burnt, and it almost felt as if it was dislocated. When he stroked his fingers in the bruise, he could feel how warm it was, but his jaw wasn’t dislocated. Good thing, he presumed.

    He felt sick. He felt as if he’d never felt this sick before. He already regretted everything he’d said to Nishinoya. He shouldn’t have said any of it, he shouldn’t have been so _cold_. He shouldn’t have lied. He couldn’t understand how he could be so _cruel_. What if that’s what he really was? He wasn’t only a loser, not only a coward, but also cruel? He felt something squeeze his heart and lungs, he could feel his heart beat faster than ever, felt as if he couldn’t breathe.

    He just didn’t want to make Nishinoya’s life hell. They couldn’t be together because it was too dangerous. He wasn’t ready for that. He knew he’d said all the wrong things from the start. He just felt like he couldn’t take it when Nishinoya got angry, called him a loser. He should’ve taken it quietly.

    “Asahi?” Asahi was dragged back to reality when he heard Sugawara’s soft voice. Sugawara had put his hand on Asahi’s shoulder. Asahi didn’t deserve that soft treatment from Sugawara. Nishinoya needed to be comforted, not him.

    “It was only an argument”, Asahi mumbled and looked at the floor.

    “It looked pretty serious”, Sugawara said”, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Nishinoya hit anyone.”

    “Hm. It wasn’t important”, Asahi mumbled. He didn’t want to tell. He was afraid everything would pour out, and he knew Sugawara wouldn’t like what he heard. Asahi had done something unforgivable.” I’m going home now.”

    “Asahi, are you sure-“

    “Totally sure.”

    Asahi took long, fast steps through the corridor. He had to get home before he started crying.

 

* * *

 

NISHINOYA YUU

Nishinoya couldn’t talk about this. Whenever he thought about their last fight his heart was ripped in two. Even though his wounds had healed, they started to slowly open up again when he and Asahi talked about it. He wanted to tell himself that he’d gotten over it a long time ago, because that had comforted him, but now he wasn’t so sure if he’d actually gotten over it.

    “You kissed me and you said it was a mistake”, Nishinoya said and had a hard time to control his unsteady voice”, you made me feel like a fucking idiot thinking there was something between us. You lied to my face and I have no _fucking clue_ why you would say something like that if you actually love me.”

    “Please”, Asahi looked pleadingly at Nishinoya”, it was because I was a coward. First it was because I would never have been able to tell my feelings to you, and then… what happened to Tanaka and Ennoshita, I… I chickened out. I was afraid something like that would’ve happened to us, too.”

    Nishinoya shut his eyes and turned his head away from Asahi. Nishinoya understood that, the Asahi he’d known two years ago wouldn’t have been strong enough to handle it. But he was so angry that Asahi hadn’t even tried. That he instead denied his feelings and made it so much harder for them both.

    “Why… why do you have to do things all by yourself, without even asking me first how I feel about it?” Nishinoya whispered”, you dropped out of the team. You left us, again. You know, you could’ve fixed it. You could’ve explained why you did it two years ago, and fixed everything. I might’ve even forgiven you if you just had explained.”

    “I… didn’t know that”, Asahi said cautiously”, Noya, I don’t expect you to forgive me, I mean it, but I couldn’t do it back then. I was such a coward. I should’ve done it anyway.”

    Nishinoya didn’t answer. It was too much information at once. He was too overcome by his own feelings to be able to think straight. Too furious and too sad.

    A part of him wanted to forgive Asahi. One step at a time. Nishinoya still liked him, and that was the worst part. He didn’t know if there’s was any meaning in forgiving Asahi, because what if he did something like this again? The other part to him didn’t want to forgive Asahi because of this. But if he didn’t forgive him, he would have the toughest semester ever because they were both on the same course. Nishinoya didn’t even like the university in the first place, and now it would become even worse.

    “I don’t know if I can forgive you”, Nishinoya said.

    “I understand that. You don’t need to”, Asahi said, his voice hoarse.

    Suddenly, the lights flickered in the elevator, and soon they were on again, naked lights glaring at their eyes who were used to the dark. They could hear a wheezing sound and feel the elevator twitch when it started moving upwards. They had probably been right in the middle of the third and the fourth floor, because it took merely seconds before the elevator stopped and the doors opened.

    “Is everything alright, boys?” a man dressed in yellow working outfit smiled at them. Nishinoya stared at him before standing up at the same time as Asahi.

    “I’m alright”, Nishinya said with a forced smile.

    “Yeah, me too”, Asahi nodded.

    “Well then. You’re free. But I advise you to take the stairs for the rest of the day, the storm seems to stay here for a while and it can lead to more power failures”, the man said.

    “Thank you so much”, Nishinoya said. It was soon ten o’clock, so the introduction class was at its last minutes. Nishinoya thought that it was unnecessary to go to the lecture. He was so tired after sitting in the elevator almost for almost two hours with Asahi. He needed to process his feelings peace.

    “See you around, Asahi”, Nishinoya looked at Asahi one last time before he started walking down the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will be the end of Part 1


	7. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes it might be good to talk to someone about your problems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:  
> \- Part 2 begins from here, and that means there won't be anymore flashbacks.

NISHINOYA YUU

Nishinoya walked straight home through the pouring rain from the university to his shared apartment, and to his surprise he saw his roommate Takanobu Aone sitting in the living room, papers, books and pens scattered over the coffee table.

    “Hi”, Nishinoya greeted”, I thought you were at your intro class.”

    “Cancelled”, Takanobu said, looking up from the paper he was reading up at Nishinoya.” You’re early.”

    “I got stuck in an elevator”, Nishinoya said, and before Takanobu would ask any more questions (that happened rarely), he walked over to the bathroom.

    When Nishinoya had moved in with Takanobu, he hadn’t known what to expect from him. He didn’t know him beyond the volleyball games Karasuno had played against Date Tech. To Nishinoyas great surprise, Takanobu was an extremely respectful roommate. It was his shyness that made him withdrawn and silent, and since he had this resting bitch-face going on for him, he gave a threatening expression to other people despite not being threatening at all. They got along surprisingly well, even though Nishinoya was a very loud roommate. They were almost like polar opposites.  

    Nishinoya took a long, hot shower which allowed him to clear his mind. But when he exited the shower the memories came running back, not only the elevator-incident but other memories too. When he’d almost confess to Asahi at the terrace, the conversations they’d had during lunches, when Asahi kissed him… Nishinoya breathed in deeply. He hated that he wanted Asahi to kiss him like that again, especially since he was still thinking about that last argument they’d had. Asahi had lied about everything. And, because of what, because he was scared? _Why does he think he has to shoulder all the responsibility himself, huh?_ Nishinoya thought furiously and looked at himself in the mirror, brows frowning. He dried himself with a towel and snuck into his room to change into more comfortable, warmer clothes.

    Nishinoya walked over to the living room and sat down onto the ugly, moss-green armchair that had been there even before Takanobu moved in and pulled up his phone to scroll through his Twitter feed. He knew he should’ve studied instead, especially since he missed intro class, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on his studies when he wanted to forget about Asahi, and it was easier to do that if he was reading about other people’s lives rather than living his own.

    “You look distressed”, Takanobu commented. Nishinoya realised he was frowning his eyebrows again and that he really must look distressed, especially considering that Nishinoya rarely allowed his foul mood to show around other people.

    “A thing happened”, Nishinoya said and continued scrolling down his feed.

    “Is this about you getting stuck in the elevator?”

    “Woah, you’re being a real gasbag today, aren’t you”, Nishinoya said and regretted it immediately. He hadn’t meant it, not really, he was just irritated and sad and he really didn’t want people to talk to him right now. He knew Takanobu just wanted to help.” Takanobu, I’m sorry… yeah, it’s about the elevator.”

    Takanobu looked cautiously at Nishinoya, but then he just nodded, encouraged him to continue. Nishinoya didn’t know if he wanted to tell something so personal to Takanobu, but he realised that it would feel nice to talk about it to someone who was a good listener. He and Takanobu had talked about personal stuff before, this was just… even more personal. Although, Takanobu always seemed to have an answer to everything.

    “You remember that really tall guy with a bun, the guy who was ace for the Karasuno volleyball team?” Nishinoya asked. Takanobu nodded immediately.” Asahi Azumane. Well, a couple years ago, we had a fight and he dropped out of the team, and it all was just a… pain in the ass, really.”

    Nishinoya could see that Takanobu was very confused, so he started telling everything from the beginning, but a much abbreviated version, and he tried not to go too much into detail on the most intimate details.

    “So, he still likes me, and I have no idea what to do”, Nishinoya said”, we we’re almost like best friends and he just... acted so _stupid_. Ruined everything. And now I have to be on the same course as him for months.”

    “You could ignore him”, Takanobu looked out of the window”, but it’s going to be hard if you still like him.”

    “I don’t like him”, Nishinoya mumbled, but a glance from Takanobu told him that Takanobu looked right through him.

    “Asahi… of what you’ve told, I think he really did the wrong thing”, Takanobu said, frowning his (non-existent) brows as he always did when he was going to talk a lot”, but if you trust him when he says he really regrets what he did, then you could forgive him. But you don’t need to hang out with him. You should think what’s best for you and your feelings.”

    Nishinoya looked at Takanobu and laughed a little. “I thought you studied to become an economist, not a therapist.”

    “Ha”, Tanaka said sarcastically”, to forgive someone can heal yourself, but you shouldn’t force yourself to forgive someone.”

    Nishinoya nodded and stared at the wall. Takanobu had a good point. Now Nishinoya needed to know if he wanted to forgive Asahi. And if he wanted to try to become his friend again.

 

ASAHI AZUMANE

Asahi stayed at the university all day, but he really couldn’t concentrate on his studies. The elevator-incident had made too big of an impact on him, making his thoughts run around whenever he tried to concentrate. He couldn’t stop thinking about Nishinoya’s shocked and disappointed face when he learnt the truth. It felt as if the heavy weight in his heart had been lifted away when he finally told Nishinoya the truth about his feelings, only to be replaced with the weight of Nishinoya still being angry with him ( _Which is understandable_ , Asahi thought). On top of that, they would be seeing each other almost daily for months. It would be torture.

    He knew that Nishinoya didn’t need to forgive him, but he wished he would do it anyway. It wasn’t as if he’d thought constantly about Nishinoya and their argument during the two years they’d been apart, but now that he’d met Nishinoya again and talked with him, he realised he missed him more than ever. He just wanted to make Nishinoya happy again, he just wanted to hang out with Nishinoya again, just like they used to.

    He knew it would never be the same between them if they became friends again, but he didn’t want it to be this way either.

    Asahi came home late that night, not feeling like doing anything than lie in his bed and stare at the roof. He didn’t have any appetite, but he didn’t feel tired enough to sleep either. He was just thinking, and thinking, and thinking.

    Eventually, he wasn’t able to think about it anymore when he’d been going through the encounter with Nishinoya at least a hundred times. He needed help from someone who was smart, someone who understood. He picked up his phone and searched for Sugawara’s name in his contact list.

    Sugawara had been the only one to continue talking to him, continuing being his friend after he dropped out of the team. He didn’t really know why, but he was happy that Sugawara had done that. He didn’t have many friends outside the team. They’d even continued being friends after high school, even though they went to different universities, messaging or talking almost daily. Even though they’d have so much contact, Asahi had never told the whole story about him and Nishinoya, even though Asahi suspected Sugawara had an idea of what had happened. Asahi had mostly not been able to tell him because he’d been scared to say out loud that he liked Nishinoya, and at the same time admit that he’d crushed Nishinoyas heart and was deeply ashamed of it.

    Now he was going to call Sugawara and come out clean. He counted the signals, two of them, before Sugawara answered.

    “Hi, Asahi”, Sugawara greeted with his soft voice”, what’s up?”

    “Bad”, Asahi blurted out. He swallowed and cleared his throat.” I met Noya today.”

    Sugawara was silent on the other side of the line a few seconds. “What happened?”

    Asahi started from the beginning, but he wasn’t a good storyteller, jumping back and forth in the story when he forgot important details. He was incredibly grateful that Sugawara just let him talk and hummed sometimes to let him know that he was still listening.

    “… And then he just said ‘see you tomorrow’ and I have no idea what he meant with that. Was he just being polite, or did he actually want to see me again?” Asahi ended his story. He waited breathless for Sugawara to answer, come with suggestions and guidance, even though he knew he shouldn’t put something like this on Sugawara’s shoulders.

    “Honestly, I don’t really know if Noya meant anything special with that last thing”, Sugawara said. He was talking slowly, and Asahi could almost see Sugawara’s thoughtful face while he went through everything Asahi had told him, which was a lot.” Just like you, he’s probably really upset. You haven’t seen each other in two years and your friendship ended with a huge argument. I don’t think he can be anything but shocked when you told him about your feelings and why you did what you did.”

    “I’m so stupid, I was so damn stupid back then”, Asahi said, voice going thin,” I should never-“

    “Asahi”, Sugawara cut him off”, what you _did_ was indeed stupid. But you’re not stupid. Stop calling yourself bad things, it’s not going to help you at all.”

    “Okay”, Asahi said. Sugawara hummed a bit while thinking.

    “Noya has all the right to be upset”, Sugawara said”, and you’re right in that he gets to forgive you whenever he feels like it.”

Asahi nodded even though Sugawara couldn’t see it, and when he realised it he hummed a “yes” back.

    “I think that you shouldn’t try to… force him to forgive you. If he comes to you, you do your best to show him that you’ve changed and become a better person. If he doesn’t, well, then doesn’t.”

    “But we’re going to be on the same course together”, Asahi whined.

    “Well, that can’t be helped. You will need to sit far away from him. And, Asahi… he might forgive you, which I really hope he does for your both sake’s, but that doesn’t mean he wants to be your friend again.”

    Asahi got silent. He hadn’t even thought about that.

    “Oh, yes… I understand that”, he said.

    “Good. You know what, you should call Daichi someday, too. I know he misses you, he’s just bad at showing it”, Sugawara said with a voice that made it obvious to Asahi that he was probably smiling.

    “Daichi…? I don’t know, he still seems to be angry that I dropped off the team again”, Asahi said, terrified.

    “Yeah, well he _was_. But, between us”, Sugawaras voice lowered”, I think he’s forgiven you. He realised that something really bad happened to you, and he’s probably sadder over losing a friend than a teammate in a high school volleyball team.”

    “Hhh”, was the only thing Asahi could get out of his mouth. He felt so ashamed to not have contacted Daichi. He loved the man like a brother, but Daichi… it was hard to talk to him about feelings. They had only had brief conversations after Asahi dropped out of the team.” Yeah, I guess so. He still has the same number?”

    “Yeah, just message him and he’ll answer. Just don’t expect to be treated nicely”, Sugawara said lightly”, although, right now he’s training the little league team in volleyball. Hey, you know what, I really have to tell you what one of those kids said to him the other day…”

    Asahi sank his head down in his pillow, feeling lighter now that he’d talked with Sugawara, and for a while he forgot about Nishinoya and the elevator when Sugawara told him what the kid had said to Daichi. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Why is Takanobu Aone Nishinoyas roommate, you wonder? I didn't pick him randomly, my girlfriend suggested it and I'm honestly pretty happy to have him here, even though he probably talks a lot more than he should, which is a bit OOC.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In where Nishinoya makes an important decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:  
> \- Double update because this chapter is way too short  
> \- Thank you all for the wonderful comments! It makes my day to read them, you are all so wonderful!!!

NISHINOYA YUU

The next day Nishinoya arrived to his class in the last minute. It was, of course, on purpose; he wanted to know where Asahi would sit so he could sit someplace else, far away from him. Also because he didn’t want Asahi to sit beside him, as he didn’t feel comfortable with that. He still felt awkward about the whole elevator incident.

    Nishinoya gazed over the sea of heads, spotting Asahi far away in the front of the hall, sitting in the left corner. Nishinoya felt relieved Asahi couldn’t see him as the entrance door was in the back of the hall, and Nishinoya sat down on the first empty spot that was on the last rows.  

    It wasn’t as if he actively to ignore Asahi. Or, well, partially, but it was simply because he didn’t know what to do about their relationship. Nishinoya wanted to forgive Asahi, but he didn’t know if he wanted to start over again with him. On one hand, it felt tempting to do so; Asahi and he had had a good friendship in high school. They had gotten along well together and it was easy to talk with Asahi about almost everything. To be honest, after what had happened, Nishinoya really didn’t think that Asahi was a bad person; he was just a person who sometimes made really bad decisions.

    Even so, Nishinoya was hesitating. He simply needed more time to think about it. He thought that he needed to talk with someone else than Takanobu, someone who knew Asahi well and, above all, someone who had been there when everything happened.

    Sugawara.

    Nishinoya decided to message him as soon as the class was over.

 

    Nishinoya wrote down the last thing his professor had said in his notebook when the class was over. People around him were chatting loudly, and when Nishinoya was done with the notes he started to pack down his things in his bag. When he looked up, he saw Asahi far ahead of him, still packing his things. Asahi looked up and caught Nishinoya’s stare, freezing in place. Nishinoya was still, but then he nodded to him. He could see Asahis shoulders drop and he nodded back before going back to pack his bag.

    Nishinoya hurried out of the lecture hall and walked to the library. He sat down in a more secluded corner and brought up his phone, in where he in two long text messages explained to Sugawara the whole story and the current situation. It felt a bit brash to do it, considering that they hadn’t had too much contact since Sugawara had graduated, but it still felt as if he could turn to him to ask for help. He hoped Sugawara felt the same way about it.

    Nishinoya didn’t get any answers before lunch, and by then he had started worrying about not getting any texts at all.

**Sugawara:** Hi Noya! Happy hear that you’re still alive! About your situation: take your time. Don’t do anything before you’ve thought it all through. It’s not easy to repair old, broken friendships. If you decided to become friend again I’m going to warn you that it will be hard, and you and Asahi have work hard to make it work.

    _As smart as ever_ , Nishinoya thought. But then again, he was much more observant and thoughtful than Nishinoya was.

**Nishinoya:** Thx for the tip!!! But it’s so hard… what would u do if u were me? :P

**Sugawara:** Noya don’t try to make me do this decision for you

    Nishinoya grimaced.

**Nishinoya:** Ok ok sorry, but what would u do??

    It took a couple minutes before Sugawara answered, and Nishinoya almost thought that maybe Sugawara wasn’t going to reply.

**Sugawara:** What I would do doesn’t have anything to do with this. You’re asking me that because you’re nervous and don’t know how to continue. But I’ll say this much: Asahi and I have had much contact after graduation. He’s grown, even though he’s still the same nerd as back then. I’m not saying anything else.

**Nishinoya:** Thx suga ;) I owe u one!

**Sugawara:** You do! I and Daichi were thinking about coming over to visit some weekend, many in the old team are studying there, right? We should meet up. You can buy me food as thanks.

**Nishinoya:** promise!! ;))))

    Nishinoya felt happy over the fact that he would meet Sugawara and Daichi again and that he’d gotten help with his problem. He hadn’t met them since a party during spring break, and he missed them both a lot. He really needed to start talking with them more often. The only friends he met regularly from his high school were Tanaka and Ennoshita, since they lived close to him. Even if they wouldn’t have, Nishinoya would still do his everything to keep in contact with Tanaka.

    Not a minute afterwards, he got another message. While reading it, his brows furrowed and he was surprised to realise that gossip spread almost as fast in university as it did in high school.

**Tanaka:** shiiiiiiit heard you got stuck in an elevator?? With asahi???? How was it???

**Nishinoya:** yeah lmao how do u know?

**Tanaka:** Enno told me! Anyway what happened?? Tell me!

**Nishinoya:** sure… ill tell you… if u buy me a pizza n come over to my apartment ;)))

**Tanaka:** Ah i see how it is… ur broke, and u want ME to feed u.

**Nishinoya:** feed me with food and ill feed ur gossiping ass

 

    “Shit. I knew there was some big problem between you two, but I really didn’t expect that it would be about that”, Tanaka said when Nishinoya had told the story for the third time in two days. They were sitting in the living room as Nishinoya and Takanobu didn’t own any kitchen table, Tanaka and Ennoshita sitting on the brown leather sofa and Nishinoya in the ugly armchair.

    “Typical of Asahi to run away from his problems”, Ennoshita commented, reaching for another piece of pizza.

    “So, what are you going to do about this all?” Tanaka asked”, Now when you have to spend a whole course with him? Pretty hard to ignore him.”

    Nishinoya looked down on the pizza and then back to his friends again.

    “I’m going to wait for a week, then I’ll choose”, he said”, There’s no idea in making any decisions right now anyway.”

    “Are you sure you’re ready to make the decision then already?” Ennoshita asked”, that kind of stuff can take a long time to process.”

    “I know”, Nishinoya said”, But I don’t need to become his best friend or something. Maybe I’ll ignore him for months before I realise I actually want to forgive him or hang out with him. But I’ll choose what I’ll do next week.”

    Tanaka shrugged. “If you think that’s best for you, then I don’t have anything to say. You always have me if something happens.”

    Ennoshita nodded, even though Nishinoya could see that he wasn’t agreeing. But Nishinoya had decided that he would do it this way, so nothing would make him change his decision now.

    “By the way, Suga and Daichi were thinking about coming here some weekend”, Nishinoya said to change topic”, He wanted to meet us all.”

    “Seriously? Damn, it was a long time ago I saw Suga or Daichi!” Tanaka said”, is everything going well for them?”

    “I think so”, Nishinoya said, ashamed now that he remembered that he hadn’t asked how Sugawara was doing. He’d just talked about his own problems.

    “Daichi is coaching some little league in volleyball”, Ennoshita said, and Nishinoya and Tanaka looked surprised at him. Ennoshita cleared his throat.” I’m messaging with him sometimes. You should hear all the stories he has about the kids in his team, I never thought children could be so amusing.”

    Tanaka started grinning. “Oh, so you’ve changed your opinion about kids?”

    Nishinoya got immediately curious. “What opinion?”

    Ennoshita sighed and rolled his eyes. “If you mean that I think that children are annoying and that I don’t want to be responsible for them, then no, but I think it’s entertaining to hear other people’s stories about children.”

    “Oh, why don’t you want to tell stories about _our_ future kids then to other people?” Tanaka teased, and Nishinoya wasn’t late to hop on the bandwagon to tease Ennoshita even further.

    “Are you going to have kids, Ennoshita? You’re not even married yet! You’d make a great dad, though. At least they’d get straight A’s.”

     “Oh _c’mon_! I’m not having any children”, Ennoshita said, and the rest of the evening he had to endure Nishinoya and Tanaka teasing him about kids.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can just imagine Sugawara groaning, wondering why he is the to go person when someone needs guidance in their love lives.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In where we'll finally know what Nishinoya's decision was

ASAHI AZUMANE

Almost two weeks after the elevator-incident and Nishinoya hadn’t come to talk with Asahi, and so he’d lost hope that they’d ever be friends again. He’d tried to be as respectful as he just could towards Nishinoya, never sitting too close to him in the lecture hall, trying hard not to look at him (although, sometimes he couldn’t take his eyes off Nishinoya, because god that man got prettier and prettier for each day that passed) and he hadn’t struck up a conversation with him.

    It had gone such a long time that he wanted to break this awkward, weird silence between them. They usually would nod to each other if their eyes met, but Asahi knew it was more of a polite gesture than anything else.

    That Friday Asahi was more stressed than he usually was. His professor had dropped the bomb about mid-term exams in a couple of weeks of everything they’d gone through by then, and he knew that meant late nights in the library. In his other courses he had friends to do study with, and it had been way more easy and fun to study with other people. But Asahi wasn’t good at making friends, and now he would have to study alone, which was a much harder task for him to do.

    As soon as the class was over, Asahi started packing down his things into his bag. He was incredibly hungry and wanted to find a nice spot to sit at, somewhere where he could be alone but no one would see him, as eating alone must look pretty sad. He was very much in his thoughts, and so he didn’t register the person behind him before he heard a familiar voice.

    “Hi, Asahi.”

    Asahi almost jumped up in the air in surprise. He was so flabbergasted that he couldn’t get a word out for a couple seconds, but then he just nodded, feeling a bit stupid. “Ah. Hi, Noya. How are you?”

    “I’m fine”, Noya said”, Do you want to eat lunch with me?”

    Asahi felt surprised about the offer, but then he nodded again. Was Nishinoya forgiving him?

    “Absolutely!” Asahi said and tried not to smile too wide or too sheepishly”, yeah, that would actually be really nice!”

    “Good”, Nishinoya said, a small smile on his lips. He started walking towards the door with Asahi right behind him.” You have your own lunch?”

    “Yeah.”

    “Good, me too.” Nishinoya continued walking. Asahi wondered where Nishinoya usually ate his lunch, and imagined it must be with a lot of friends, as Nishinoya easily made friends. Asahi hoped that they would be eating in some remote corner so they could be alone, but instead he followed Nishinoya to a student kitchenette that was for the time being not very crowded. Nishinoya went to heat up his food and Asahi chose a table for them and sat down. When Nishinoya came back, they started eating in silence.

    “Asahi?” Nishinoya finally broke the growing awkward silence”, that mid-term exam that we’re having, you don’t mind studying to it with me?”

    Asahi looked up at Nishinoya. He really hadn’t imagined they would suddenly actually be spending time together regularly. But it was what Nishinoya who suggested it, and Asahi would never had said no to that. Not only because he found studying with other people easier than alone.

    “Yeah, absolutely”, Asahi said almost too eagerly for his own taste”, I don’t have anyone else to study with anyway, so…”

    “Me neither”, Nishinoya grinned. Asahi found himself surprised by that fact; he remembered Nishinoya having no problems finding new friends fast. He really had changed since high school.

    “When do you want to start studying?” Asahi asked.

    “I was thinking we could study like two times a week solely for the mid-terms”, Nishinoya suggested”, you know, quiz each other, things like that. And we could study more often the closer we get to the mid-terms.”

    “Sounds good to me”, Asahi said.

    “Good”, Nishinoya ate more of his lunch”, we’re going through stuff really fast and there’s so many words and shit… I’m having a hard time keeping up.”

    Asahi nodded. “I’ve noticed that psychology and other similar subjects are usually like that. I usually make a list of all the words and their explanations and then I study them until I know them by heart.”

    “Smart. I’ve thought of something similar, but it takes such a long time to do those lists”, Nishinoya sighed.

    “You won’t have to make that list all at once a day before mid-terms if you work on it every day”, Asahi said, and Nishinoya’s face lightened up.

    “Can’t believe I didn’t think of that!” Nishinoya said, and Asahi smiled and wanted to jokingly say that _You don’t think about much otherwise either_ , but he didn’t dare to do that as it could be interpreted as extremely rude, and their new-found friendship was too fragile. He didn’t want to destroy it again.

 

    The first study session Asahi and Nishinoya had was scheduled on the following week’s Wednesday. Asahi had taken with him coffee and dried fruits as a study snack, and he had several pieces of papers with notes and lists.

    He had really looked forward to spend the day with Nishinoya, even though it was only to study. Asahi found Nishinoya at the entrance to the university library, and Nishinoya smiled happily. Asahi’s heart skipped a beat and he couldn’t stop a wide smile spreading on his face.

    “Hi, sorry, I hope you didn’t have to wait for too long”, Asahi said apologetically.

    “It’s ok, I just got here”, Nishinoya said, and they started searching for a place to study. It was pretty hard to find a place as many students would come early to the library to find good places to sit, but eventually they found a table that might’ve been a bit too small for them, but it was the best option out of all they found.  

    “I printed out these for us”, Asahi said and put the bundle of papers down on the table. Nishinoya looked wide-eyed at the papers and started browsing through them.

    “Damn, Asahi, I don’t remember you being this good with notes when we we’re in high school!” Nishinoya said. Asahi laughed sheepishly.

    “It became a habit to do that when I got to university, one of my friends usually would to the same… ” Asahi explained.

    “This is great! Hey, can’t you send this list to my email?” Nishinoya asked.

    “Yeah, no problems!” Asahi said. _I would be more than happy to_ , he thought.

    “Nice! Alright, let’s start”, Nishinoya said”, I was thinking we could start with quizzing each other, just to see what we need to study more on.”

    “Sounds good”, Asahi said”, you can start by quizzing me, if that’s alright.”

 

     Even though Asahi felt stressed about the coming mid-term exam, he felt happier than he’d been in a long time. It was suddenly easier to get up in the morning, and he smiled a lot more and started to worry about his outward appearance much more than he usually did (“Who is the lucky person that you’ve fallen in love with, Asahi?” his roommate Oikawa Tooru had wondered, grinning from ear to ear and wanting to know all the _dirty details_. There were none, Asahi assured him while blushing, but that surely didn’t stop Oikawa from asking more questions). Asahi really _was_ in a better mood. He and Nishinoya were finally friends again.

    Asahi tried to keep their relationship strictly friendly, even though he sometimes couldn’t help that he stopped whatever he was doing and looked at Nishinoya, trying to remember every detail of him. Neither could he help that his heart skipped a beat almost every time Nishinoya and him would accidentally touch, either by fingers brushing or shoulders bumping into each other.

    They had even been able to talk about their time in high school. Not about the bad things that happened between them, mostly about all the good memories, where their old teammates and classmates were now, and how it went for Karasuno’s volleyball team.

   Although, their argument came up once, when they were joking about how Sugawara’s “encouraging punches” probably were because of an underlying rage he had inside of him.

    “Asahi”, Nishinoya suddenly said, his face growing serious”, I’m sorry I punched you.”

    Asahi was taken aback, almost forgetting that Nishinoya _did_ actually punch him once.

    “Yeah, it’s… it’s okay. I know why you did that”, Asahi said, feeling a bit awkward”, I’m sorry for what I did to you.”

    Nishinoya stared at him with the same eyes he would have when they were in a volleyball game, serious and concentrated.

    “I forgive you”, Nishinoya said.

    Asahi’s heart felt as if a great weight had fallen from it, and his body felt lighter than ever.

 

    What sometimes kept Asahi awake at nights were the moments when Asahi was absolutely sure about that Nishinoya was looking at _him_. Golden brown eyes lightning up the darkness, and Asahi could feel that he was thinking about _something_ when he looked at Asahi. He wasn’t sure what Nishinoya thought about, but Asahi wished it would be him, in the same way that Nishinoya was in his thoughts.

     The closer they came to the mid-terms, the more time they spent studying together. Asahi loved every moment he could spend with Nishinoya, even though it was to sit and quiz each other or trying to figure out complicated psychological words. Sometimes Asahi brushed Nishinoyas fingers on purpose, only because he liked the contact. Sometimes they talked about their lives at the university. Nishinoya told him about his roommate, and Asahi was surprised to hear about Takanobu’s real personality, which seemed to be very different from the personality he had on the volleyball court. Asahi told Nishinoya about Oikawa, that even though he was an extremely intimate and nosey roommate he was still a very nice person, although he was sometimes a bit too honest, which had made Nishinoya laugh (“And I thought me living with Takanobu was odd”, Nishinoya said.” Of all the people in this city and you end up with Oikawa.”)

 

    “Goddammit, that almost felt like the final exam!” Nishinoya said with a loud sigh when he exited the lecture hall where they’d taken their mid-term exam. Asahi had been done with the exam before Nishinoya, and was looking through his notes to see what he got right and wrong. Nishinoya looked eagerly at the notes in Asahis hands.” Are those your notes? Can I see if I got right on a question?”

   Asahi handed his notes to Nishinoya, and Nishinoya browsed through the papers until he found what he was looking for. His face cracked into a smile and he put his fist up in the air.

    “Fuck yeah! I was right! I’m so fucking good!”

    “I think you’re disturbing the other students still doing their exams”, Asahi said panicked, worrying about the professor coming out to scold them for being loud. Like Nishinoya usually did, he ignored Asahi’s admonition and just smiled.

    “I’ll probably get all right on this exam”, Nishinoya said”, maybe I’ll lose like, half a point because of something stupid. How did you do, by the way?”

    “I’ll pass, at least”, Asahi said humbly”, I mixed a couple words with each other…”

    “Whatever, shit happens”, Nishinoya said, patting Asahi’s back a bit too hard”, we have to go out tonight to celebrate that we’re passing our mid-terms!”

    “Oh”, Asahi said surprised, but then he nodded”, that sounds nice. You know about a party somewhere or…?”

    “One of my friends are having a party”, Nishinoya said”, we’ll go there, and then we can go somewhere else if it gets boring, right?”

    “Sounds like a plan”, Asahi agreed”, Where does your friend live?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time it was me who chose the Random Roommate and somehow I really liked the idea of Oikawa being Asahis roommate.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nishinoya and Asahi attend a party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN:  
> \- I'm sorry I haven't updated for a long time, I've been very stressed out. Chapters won't come out as fast as they used to since my school started, but it's only 2 chapters left anyway  
> \- Another chapter that I had language-vice a hard time with, I hope you can overlook that and still enjoy the chapter

NISHINOYA YUU

Nishinoya had arrived in time to meet Asahi in the city park at seven o’clock. Nishinoya had bleached his tuft again, and the smell of bleach still stung in his nose. He was a little nervous, even though he knew he didn’t need to be. He and Asahi got along well, and it was almost like before, although Nishinoya could feel how tense Asahi was around him sometimes.

    When Nishinoya about a month ago made the choice to try befriend Asahi again, he’d been unsure about it. You never knew _what_ could happen, and two years could make a person very different. Besides, maybe Asahi didn’t necessarily want to befriend him again.

    Asahi hadn’t changed too much. He was still the anxious and friendly person like he’d been before. But there was also something more confident in how he moved, or in his personality. Nishinoya remembered Asahi usually stooping as if making himself smaller than he was, but now he stood tall, his face still soft and kind although much more grown-up. Although, he usually started stooping around Nishinoya and smiling nervously.

    Nishinoya wondered if their behaviour towards each other was some sort of a phase. That they couldn’t behave normally because last time they saw each other was in high school, back when they were different people. As if they had to pretend to be the people they were two years ago, not daring to be how they were now.

     He’d noticed during the month that Asahi had really tried his best to fix their broken friendship. Nishioya hadn’t mentioned about the more intimate feelings Asahi still had towards him, and he felt as if he wanted to keep it like that way for a while. He didn’t know if they should try dating yet. He didn’t know if he dared to bring that up, ever.

    As seven o’clock crept close, Nishinoya could see Asahi walking towards him further away. He walked through the park with his hands in his pockets, stooping, obviously a little bit nervous. Still, Nishinoya felt his stomach drop when he saw how utterly _gorgeous_ Asahi was, especially with that messy bun. He tried not to think about it, and as he usually did, he pushed that thought far away in the back of his head.

    “Hi”, Asahi greeted him when he’d walked over to him, his smile cautious but honest.” Nice jacket.”

    “Oh”, Nishinoya stared at Asahi’s _beautiful fucking face_ until he realised what Asahi had said. Oh, yeah, the jacket.” Yeah, I know right? It’s really cool! I bought it today!”

    “It suits you well”, Asahi said.

    Nishinoya nodded a bit absent-mindedly before he forced himself to concentrate. “Thanks. Alright, let’s go.”

    While walking, they were talking about the volleyball game their university volleyball team had won that week. Asahi hadn’t been able to watch it, and so Nishinoya described to him in vivid detail about the most exiting parts of the game, with lot of body language to assist him, which made Asahi chuckle a couple times. Soon, they could hear the thudding of music through an open window. Nishinoya went in the building with Asahi and they both ran up the stairs. When they finally came to the right floor they were almost out of breath, and Nishinoya pressed the doorbell.

    A couple of seconds later, and the door opened, showing a young man with a cat-like grin plastered on his face.  

    “Well, look at that, didn’t think I’d have _two_ former Karasuno students at my party”, Kuroo Tetsurou said jokingly”, _what_ an honour. Nice jacket, Noya.”

    “Right?” Nishinoya grinned and kicked off his shoes. He could see Asahi look extremely confused after Kuroo.” What is it?”

    “Uh, nothing”, Asahi said and looked down on his feet before he kicked off his shoes as well. When he was ready, Nishinoya started dragging him through the sea of people that somehow had managed to fit into Kuroo’s apartment, making it even louder consider they had to talk over the music. Soon they arrived at a table were a girl was putting cups on each side of the table for beer pong.

    “Asahi, do you want to play?” Nishinoya asked and looked up at Asahi. Asahi hesitated before he nodded.

    “Sure, fine with me”, he said. Nishinoya smiled and turned to the girl who was starting to pour vodka in the small plastic cups, blending them with different kinds of sodas.” Hey, can we join?”

    The girl grinned. “Sure, no problems! You can’t be on the same team, though, because I and Kuroo are playing against each other.”

    As soon as the girl (who introduced herself as Mai) was done pouring the drinks, Kuroo arrived at the table and teamed up with Asahi, while Nishinoya went to stand on the other side with Mai.

    “Okay, Asahi, you know the rules: no volleyballing in beer pong, we all want to get alive out of this”, Nishinoya teased. Asahi smiled.

    “I could say the same thing to you”, he said.

    It was harder to throw the balls into the cups than Nishinoya had imagined, having not played beer pong before. Too many times it fell down over the edge or Kuroo or Asahi were able to block it, but Nishinoya was a fast learner, and soon he and Mai had gotten the already tipsy Kuroo drunk, and Asahi’s bun was looser and cheeks redder than before, and somehow Nishinoya could just tell it wasn’t because of the heat in the apartment.

    “Are you alright, Asahi? Can you stand?” Nishinoya teased, and since he’d drunk some too already, he felt more confident than before and didn’t even hesitate to put his arm around Asahi’s waist (in a jokingly manner, but they hadn’t been too intimate since they became friends).

    “I think you haven’t gotten enough”, Asahi said and ruffled Nishinoya’s hair.” Wait a minute here.”

    When Asahi came back, he had two bottles of beers in his hands.

    “What? For _me_? That’s so nice of you, Asahi!” Nishinoya grinned wide and took the other bottle and tried opening it with his teeth, which hurt and made him wince, while Asahi laughed.

    “Oh my god, Noya”, Kuroo shouted from afar”, There’s bottle openers in the kitchen!”

    Nishinoyad waved a thanks to Kuroo and he walked over to the kitchen with Asahi, were they found at least five bottle openers in different models in the kitchen. Nishinoya took the one with a figure of a German man in lederhosen and opened his and Asahi’s bottles. They clinked their glasses together and drank before Nishinoya dragged Asahi beside an open window and leaned against the wall. Asahi stood right beside Nishinoya and looked over the crowd.

    “I didn’t know you and Kuroo knew each other so well”, Asahi said, breaking the silence.

    “Oh, yeah, we’re in the same program. He’s also going to be a gym teacher”, Nishinoya explained”, He’s really fun to be with, but you should know how _nerdy_ he actually is. He’s not very easy to study with, sometimes. He knows _everything_ and then you just sit there, feeling bad because you can’t even get right on half of the questions.”

    Asahi laughed. “When we played against Nekoma he felt pretty intimidating, more of a bad guy than a nerd.”

    “Haha, well, he sure _looks_ like one, but he’s a total nerd on the inside, I promise”, Nishinoya said”, Ah… he’s actually really smart, though.”

    Nishinoya sighed. He didn’t want to think about school. He drank some more beer, feeling the alcohol making his limbs grow heavier and his head becoming fuzzier than before.

    “Noya, you’re smart, too”, Asahi said, and this time Nishinoya could feel Asahi’s breath against his ear and his neck, and he shuddered involuntarily.

    “I’m doing fine, I guess”, Nishinoya said, not wanting to talk about school-related things anymore”, you know what? We should go play some more games with Mai!”

    They were able to join a game of Flip Cup, but at the second run Nishinoya could see Asahi growing pale with a greenish tint.

    “Asahi, you okay?” Nishinoya asked.

    Asahi didn’t answer. Instead, he put a hand on his mouth and started taking unsteady steps towards the toilet. Nishinoya wasn’t in any better condition, but he was able to help Asahi into the toilet even though his legs were barely listening to him. He locked the door behind them and helped Asahi to the toilet and opened the toilet lid.

    Nishinoya looked away when he heard Asahi starting to vomit, not wanting to do so himself right now. He managed to stroke some hair strands from Asahi’s forehead without looking.  

    “Asahi, you al-“ Nishinoya started when he thought Asahi finished vomiting, but as he heard the choking sound coming from Asahi’s throat again, the only thing he could do was to pat him on the back of his head and give him toilet paper to clean his mouth when he was done.

    “You haven’t drank for a long time, huh?” Nishinoya said. Asahi answered, but Nishinoya couldn’t hear what he was saying.” What?”

    “I’ve never been more than bit tipsy”, Asahi mumbled. Nishinoya couldn’t help that he laughed a little.

    “Asahi, you can’t drink that much at once then! Come, let’s wash your face and then you’ll have to drink a lot of water. I think there’s should be something to eat in the kitchen by now, too.” Nshinoya helped Asahi up on his feet and took him to the sink and let cold tap water run. Asahi washed his face and proceeded to drink it. Nishinoya handed him a clean towel to dry his face with.

    “Alright, let’s go back”, Nishinoya helped Asahi out of the bathroom and into the kitchen again, helping Asahi sit down at the table. Nishinoya dragged the bowl of crisps in front of Asahi and proceeded to give him a big slice of pizza, which had already grown cold on the table.  

    “Do you feel better now?” Nishinoya asked Asahi when he’d eaten the pizza and a big amount of the crisps. Asahi’s eyes were glassy and dim, but he nodded, and Nishinoya realised it was time for them to go home. As soon as they were done eating Nishoniya said good bye to Kuroo and helped Asahi out, which wasn’t an easy task considering their size differences. Even though Nishinoyas alcohol tolerance was relatively good considering he often went out to parties, he still had problems getting down the stairs. He felt dizzy and he laughed a bit when he was about to fall down and take Asahi with him, but they were saved thanks to Asahi holding onto the handrail.

    It got easier when they finally got out of the building. Nishinoya started talking about the volleyball game again because he couldn’t stand the silence that had risen after Asahi’s incident in the bathroom. Asahi seemed to listen and nod, and sometimes laughed.

    “Noya”, Asahi suddenly said”, do you remember when we were in high school… that technique you had… _Rolling Thunder_?”

    “Of course I remember!” Nishinoya said”, Best technique ever!”

    “Do it again!” Asahi begged, and even if Nishinoya hadn’t been drunk he probably would’ve obliged anyway. When they arrived at the park, Nishinoya made himself ready for his technique.

    “Alright, alright, the opposing team is hitting the ball over the net, and only I can save it”, Nishinoya said with a theatrical voice, and then he threw himself forward, rolling around while screaming _Rolling thunder_ as loud as he could. Too bad he was too drunk to actually hold his balance, because he continued rolling instead until he stopped with his body pressed to the gravelled parkway. He could hear Asahi roar with laugher.

    “Oh my god, Noya, Noya, are you okay?” Asahi wheezed between the laughs and walked over to Nishinoya and poked his cheek, making Nishinoya wince.” Noyaa?”  

    “Why are you laughing? I’m _wounded_!” Nishinoya said and rolled on his back and couldn’t help but to laugh too, even though his knee was hurting and he felt gravel sting his cheeks. Asahi laughed so much that he fell down on his back, and that made them both laugh even more.

    After a while they were both able to (extremely clumsily) get up, and they continued giggling while walking.

    “I can’t believe you did that on a gravelled way”, Asahi said”, Are you okay? You’re bleeding a bit from your cheek…”

    “It’s alright! I just need to wash my face!” Nishinoya said, even though he could now definitely feel his knee and thigh hurt, but he decided not to show it.” I can still do the technique! I’ve just drank too much!”

    “Oh, _really_?”

    “As if you’re the one to speak!”

    Nishinoya jumped up high to be able to hit the back of Asahi’s head, but Asahi drew back fast with a laugh.

    Their laughing stopped when they realised they’d have to part ways. Asahi, still smiling, looked at Nishinoya, and Nishinoya looked at Asahi. That weird feeling of time stopping filled Nishinoya’s chest.

    “I have to go right from here”, Nishinoya said.

    “I’ll continue forward”, Asahi said.

    They both nodded.

    “I had a really good time tonight”, Nishinoya smiled widely”, we have to do this again!”

    “With less alcohol, perhaps”, Asahi laughed. Nishinoya felt himself _melting_ inside when he heard Asahi laugh. He was so beautiful, and Nishinoya wanted to brush his lips with his fingers, wanted to pull Asahi closer…

    Nishinoya could see that Asahi noticed the way he was looking at him. Nishinoya suddenly felt how dry his mouth was, and he felt himself pulling towards Asahi. He wouldn’t have minded to be in a warm embrace right now.

    A car drove loudly past them, and the moment was over. Nishinoya blinked, realising what he was doing, and looked away.

    “Good night, Asahi”, he said with a wry smile.

    “Good night, Noya”, Asahi said, smiling back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to find me outside AO3, hit me up on my tumblr:  
> http://yes-from-kyro.tumblr.com/


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank [magiquotes](http://magiquotes.tumblr.com/) for being a good beta and helping me with this chapter!!!

AZUMANE ASAHI

Suga and Daichi had finally found a weekend when they had time to come for a visit. Asahi and Nishinoya made their way to Tanaka and Ennoshita’s apartment, where they were staying over the weekend.

    “God, it’s been a while”, Suga said happily when he saw Asahi and Nishinoya coming in through the door. The apartment wasn’t too big, and you could see into the living room from the hall, where Suga and Daichi’s bags lay in a corner and the sofa and an extra bed were made up.

    “Suga!” Nishinoya ran up to Suga to greet him with a very hard high-five which made it echo in the apartment. Asahi slowly took off his shoes and when he looked up again, Daichi were standing in front of him. Asahi felt his stomach knot.

    “Long time no see, Asahi”, Daichi said, and Asahi felt the same sort of fear he used to get when Daichi got angry. Whenever he made Daichi angry it somehow felt as if he was making his own dad angry. But it wasn’t that he felt much fear anymore, as much as he felt shame.

    “Daichi”, Asahi tried to control his facial expression. They weren’t in high school anymore, he should, as an adult man, be able to do this. He wasn’t a coward anymore. He and Daichi had been best friends. Were they still?

    Daichi had an expression that Asahi couldn’t read. He didn’t smile, but he didn’t seem angry or sad either.

    They’d barely spoken to each other since Asahi had dropped out of the team. They’d had some short conversations at the end of their high school careers, and one at graduation that’d been almost bittersweet. Funnily enough, he hadn’t talked with Daichi too much after graduation either, even though he was in so much contact with Suga. It was as if they both had ignored each other.

     Now they couldn’t ignore each other anymore.

    Eventually, Daichi sighed and put his hand on Asahi’s shoulder. “Are you still afraid of me, Asahi? I thought you would’ve gotten more guts over these past two years.”

    Asahi froze when he felt Daichi’s hand on his shoulder, and he could see Daichi almost regret touching him, but then Asahi laughed. “You’re still scary when you’re mad.”

    “I’m not even mad right now!” Daichi sounded a bit upset, which made Suga snicker, and then Asahi couldn’t help but laugh again, and even Daichi started smiling.

    “It’s nice to see you again”, Daichi said. Asahi nodded.

    “It is”, Asahi said softly. He felt the knot in his stomach slightly dissolve.

    “Oi, Asahi! Haven’t seen you for a while!” Tanaka was as loud and aggressive as Asahi remembered him being. Tanaka walked up to Asahi to give him a brotherly hug.” You’ve gotten more beard than before! You already look like an old man!”

    “Hello, Asahi”, Ennoshita said with his ever so soft tone”, we’re trying to decide on where we should eat. Any suggestions?”

    Asahi was overjoyed to be this welcomed back to his old teammates that he almost got teary-eyed. He could see Nishinoya smile widely at him and he answered the smile. It felt much better with one problem less in his life.

    They finally decided to go to a sushi restaurant with a reasonable price for university students. The restaurant wasn’t far away from the apartment, so they walked all the way there. They were catching up to each other’s lives, especially talking about the volleyball tournament between the universities.

    At the restaurant they were led to a more secluded booth, which was probably for the best because Tanaka and Nishinoya were making a lot of noise. Their volume grew even more when they drank alcohol, which everyone seemed to order. Even Asahi, although he was sticking to one glass tonight.

    “Asahi, take it easy with the booze tonight, alright?” Nishinoya said grinning with his cheeks red. Asahi blushed and snorted.

    “As if you’re the one to talk”, he said smiling, and Tanaka was cheering him on

    “Asahi is fighting back!” Tanaka laughed, and Suga and Daichi laughed a bit.

    “You’ve grown”, Daichi said appreciatively”, is there some funny alcohol-related story you’ve got for us, Noya?”

    Asahi groaned. “No, there isn’t, he has nothing to tell you...”

    “We were at Kuroo’s party”, Nishinoya totally ignored Asahi and talked way too eagerly and loudly”, and I made him drink a lot, because later he told me that he’d _never_ drank so much before! He was like a fourteen-year old boy drinking for the first time!”

    “Noya”, Asahi said with another groan while the others started laughing”, the scar you have on your face, isn’t that the same one that you got whilst trying to do _Rolling thunder_ when drunk?”

    That made all the others laugh even more, Tanaka definitely the loudest one.

    “I remember _Rolling thunder_!” Tanaka said”, Noya, who the fuck say’s their move out loud?”

    “Look, the _important_ part is that I saved our asses loads of times with _Rolling thunder_ , so stop teasing me”, Nishinoya said.

    “It _is_ an impressive move”, Suga said smiling”, do you mind showing it to me again?”

    “Suga, you shouldn’t encourage him to do that now that he’s drunk”, Asahi said when he saw how eager Nishinoya looked over the request. Suga started snickering and smiled his trademark devilish smile.

    “Noya, _not in here_ ”, Daichi said with his most authoritarian voice when Nishinoya got up from his seat. That made him sit down again like a well-mannered child.

    The rest of the night continued in a much calmer manner, and Asahi realised how much he’d missed his teammates. It was too bad that Kinoshita and Narita weren’t able to attend, and he really wanted to meet the former first-years, now third years, since it seemed to go so well for them in the tournament. He wondered if they’d gotten scouted yet, or what universities they were going to apply to.

    When it started getting late they decided to start walking homeward. Asahi decided to walk with them as he still wanted to keep them company, even though he was almost living in the opposite direction. Ennoshita tried to keep both Nishinoya and Tanaka in line while they tried to balance on the light-coloured cement slabs on the pedestrian street, almost falling every other step down the road. Asahi, Suga and Daichi walked behind them and laughed sometimes at Nishinoya and Tanaka trying to keep their balance and Ennoshita scolding them. Asahi looked at Daichi and Suga, noticing the two of them holding hands. Asahi couldn’t help but smile. Suga and Daichi had been pretty discreet with their relationship in high school for several reasons, but Asahi didn’t doubt that anyone could’ve seen how much in love they were with each other. Then again, it might’ve only been obvious for Asahi.

    “We’ll see you tomorrow then”, Daichi said suddenly when they arrived at the apartment.

    “Absolutely!” Nishinoya said”, I’ll come over tomorrow!”

    “What about you, Asahi?” Suga asked.

    “Yeah, no problem”, Asahi nodded.

    “Good night!” Tanaka half-screamed, Ennoshita trying to hush him. Tanaka and Nishinoya hugged each other for a long time until Ennoshita tried to get Tanaka inside, which made it all a game for the two of them.

    “You will never part us, foul demon!” Nishinoya said, grinning wide at Ennoshita.

    “I will never let go of you, Noya!” Tanaka said dramatically, making Suga roar with laughter. Not even Ennoshita or Daichi could help but smile.

    “Well then, I guess you two are staying out here then”, Ennoshita said”, Hope the concrete feels good to lie on.”

    “Wait, I changed my mind”, Tanaka said, and Nishinoya giggled and finally let go of Tanaka. The four of them went inside, and Asahi looked down at Nishinoya, still waving at Tanaka.

    “I’m following you home”, Asahi said.

    “I’m living just a block or so away”, Nishinoya said, pointing at the direction where he lived”, It was fun to meet them, wasn’t it? Daichi has gotten so much more beefy!”

    “He wasn’t that beefy”, Asahi said.

    “He was like the Hulk”, Nishinoya said, making a funny impression of the Hulk that made Asahi laugh out loud.” Nice to see that Suga and Daichi are still together.”

    “Well, they weren’t being very discreet with the hand-holding.”

    “Well, yeah. But it was pretty predictable that those high school sweethearts would stay together after high school, just like Ryuu and Ennoshita.”

    “Oh, so they’re still together?” Asahi said, feeling a bit dumb. Of course they were. They were living together.

    “Yeah, of course they are! I don’t think they’re going to break up too soon either”, Nishinoya said, and suddenly he looked very pensive.” All of us three were supposed to share a bigger apartment, but the landlord took back the offer. We found this one, but it’s too small for three people. I was lucky that someone was looking for a roommate in the vicinity.”

    “He took back the offer? That sounds really weird”, Asahi said.

    “Yeah, I agree”, Nishinoya said nodding”, I don’t really know why. It feels kind of like it was because Ryuu and Ennoshita are together. Ah, I feel shitty for saying that… but he did kind of walk in on them being close when we we’re looking at the apartment.”

    Asahi nodded. He hated to be reminded of how hard it was to be himself in this world. In a way, it felt good that he wasn’t officially out of the closet, the only one he’d actually said it out loud to being his roommate Oikawa. Suga and Daichi, and of course Nishinoya, knew without him having to tell them. At the same time it felt bad to keep it inside just to be able to get an apartment or a job. It felt as if he were living inside a wall that was always crumbling, forcing him to repair it over and over again so that no one would see his deepest secrets.

    “Do you hide your sexuality, Noya?” Asahi asked, and regretted it right away. That was way too personal to ask someone.

    “Well, no. I’m going out with guys”, Nishinoya said”, But it’s really tough, because you get all these stares… but otherwise I haven’t encountered any other problems yet. But it’s a real pain in the ass when you see the difference, because when I go out with a girl no one is staring, and everyone is being normal around you, and… I’m not afraid to get attacked, or whatever that might happen.”

    Asahi nodded. “I haven’t dated anyone because I’m afraid that’ll happen. Someone attacking me and my date.”

    Nishinoya stopped and looked up at Asahi. “I don’t think anyone would dare do anything to you when you look so scary.”

    “I don’t look scary”, Asahi protested, but Nishinoya grinned.

    “You don’t, actually, but anyone who doesn’t know you thinks so”, Nishinoya said, grabbing Asahi’s shirt and pulling it closer to him, making Asahi gasp lightly and his heart beat faster.

 

NISHINOYA YUU

Nishinoya knew that what he was doing right now wasn’t a good idea. Deep inside he knew that, but it didn’t prevent him for doing so, because he _wanted_ to do it.

    He wanted Asahi so much it hurt. He wanted to hold Asahi, kiss him until his lips were swollen and red. It felt as if his whole body was on fire when he pulled Asahi closer to him, he felt so… _hungry._

    Asahi looked down to Nishinoya, his eyes a bit glossy from the alcohol and cheeks still red. Nishinoya looked up at him and wished he wasn’t so short, it was so hard to initiate anything with their height differences.

    “Noya?” Asahi’s voice was low and soft, and Nishinoya could feel Asahi’s warm hands on his arms. Nishinoya pulled Asahi down to him and the moment Asahi started to bend down and Nishinoya put his arms around Asahi’s neck, he felt as if the tension that had been between them for so long suddenly exploded. Everything, every light and sound, disappeared around them when Nishinoya finally felt Asahi’s lips against his. Asahi’s lips were dry against his wet, and this time Nishinoya wasn’t going to end it all too early. He tilted his head and parted his lips slightly to make the kiss deeper.

    Asahi’s hands soon let go of his arms and instead they wrapped themselves around him and hugged him tight. Nishinoya felt the air getting knocked out of him and he groaned into the kiss, feeling Asahi shiver, hugging Nishinoya less tight to give him some more air.  

    Nishinoya wanted more, he wanted to make the kiss even deeper, he wanted, no, _needed_ more of Asahi. He let his fingers trail through Asahis hair, and by now Asahis bun was so loose that the hair tie fell out and Asahi’s hair loosened up.

    Suddenly Nishinoya heard a door open and someone take one step outside the door. He and Asahi automatically pulled away from each other and looked at Takanobu, who had frozen in place by the door, holding a bag of trash in his hand.

    “Oh. Sorry”, Takanobu realised what he’d done, and he looked apologetically at Nishinoya. Nishinoya swallowed. He knew it wasn’t Takanobu’s fault, but it felt as if he’d ruined everything.

    “I-it’s nothing, I was just about to leave”, Nishinoya heard Asahi mumble. When he looked over at Asahi, Asahi had already turned his back on them and was walking away.

    “Asahi, no, wait!” Nishinoya realised now, even though his lips missed Asahi’s, even though his body was screaming to feel the warmth of Asahi against him, that he probably shouldn’t have kissed him. They’d barely become friends again and he’d ruined it because he _needed_ Asahi.

    “I’m so sorry”, Nishinoya heard Takanobu say again. Nishinoya turned around and wobbled a bit. He wasn’t very drunk anymore. He just felt nauseous and like he was going to vomit any second now, and he felt as if he just wanted the horrible alcohol intoxication to end.

    “It’s not your fault”, Nishinoya mumbled, although not very convincing and pushed himself in the apartment block and started to walk up the stairs. He almost tripped twice and had a hard time unlocking the door to the apartment, but when he finally was able to unlock the door he kicked off his shoes and locked himself into the bathroom. He didn’t even take off his clothes, just put his phone and his wallet on the sink before he went in the shower and let the cold water rinse the beginning headache and the memory of the kiss off of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me at tumblr [yes-from-kyro](http://yes-from-kyro.tumblr.com/)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many, many, MANY thanks to [magiquotes](http://magiquotes.tumblr.com/) for being a great beta for these two last chapters, and also many thanks to [morisuke-kun](http://morisuke-kun.tumblr.com/) who also helped me with the last chapter/beta'ed it.

NISHINOYA YUU

The next day Nishinoya woke up with tired, sore eyes, a headache and a dry throat. He realised he should at least have ordered some hangover food last night instead of falling asleep as soon as he put his head on his pillow. At least he’d had a dreamless night, because he really didn’t want to have any weird dreams about Asahi. He felt his chest tighten when he remembered Asahi and what had happened last night. Had it started to become a habit for Asahi to walk away every time they kissed?

    He contemplated to stay in his warm, comfy bed for the rest of the day, but he really felt that he needed to drink a lot of water. Ten minutes later he got up and walked over to the bathroom to take a long shower and try to quench his thirst, which seemed almost impossible, and he stopped when he felt his belly grow heavy with water that didn’t make him much less thirsty. He dressed himself and went to the kitchen to make a breakfast  and sat down on the couch to think, even though his headache made it very hard for him to do any thinking. He remembered that he had to meet up with the others, and Asahi would probably be there, too. He would have to hang out with Asahi, and it would be impossible to pretend like nothing happened last night. He knew that the others would easily see that there was something wrong between them, and he didn’t want that.

    He should talk with Asahi before meeting up with the others. But what would he say to him? That he’d been drunk, that he didn’t really understand why he’d done that? Giving him excuses and begging for forgiveness to make everything as it had been, just for them  to go back being friends. Good friends.

    But that would be as if saying that the kiss had been a mistake, which it hadn’t been. Sure, he had been extremely drunk, acting out on his emotions and whims, but it had been an honest, true kiss, and he didn’t regret that he , although he wished he’d been sober.

    Nishinoya knew what his feelings for Asahi were. Nishinoya knew that he loved Asahi, and that he couldn’t, no, probably _shouldn_ _’_ _t_ deny his feelings anymore. What Asahi had said, and what Nishinoya had said back in high school when they’d fought, he had to get over it. They both had to. They had changed since then. Nishinoya didn’t know if Asahi still loved him, like he’d said he did when they had been stuck in the elevator, but if he did, Nishinoya felt that… it was stupid to pretend that they didn’t love each other. Nishinoya, for one, was sick of pretending he hadn’t fallen for Asahi again.

    Nishinoya had forgiven Asahi. So why not try again? If it didn’t work out for them, well… then it wouldn’t, and they could both go on with their lives. But at least he wouldn’t have regrets because he didn’t even try. He pulled out his phone to message Tanaka.

Noya: Me & asahi r comin later

     He realised after sending the message that it had been a mistake to write Asahi’s name in the text. That had been stupid. Incredibly stupid. He didn’t know if Asahi had been early and gotten there already, or if he was still at home.

Noya: *I’m comin later

    Tanaka showed no mercy.

Tanaka: Ohhh i seeeee ;))))))))

    Nishinoya furrowed his brows and wondered why he’d been so stupid, obviously that sounded really suspicious.

Noya: its not what it looks like

    Nishinoya decided to dress up in fancier clothes and started to style his hair, using a lot of gel because his hair wasn’t listening to him today, and it took way too long to style it has he wanted it to be. Or was he just overly conscious about his look because he was meeting Asahi? He heard his phone buzz and he read Tanaka’s message.

Tanaka: Suuuuuure  
Lets pretend I believe u

Noya: hes not here its just that im gonna ask him now ok

Tanaka: wait what??? Now???

    When Nishinoya felt as if he couldn’t be more ready than this, so he bolted out of the bathroom, almost knocking over Takanobu (who realised that being his size was truly helpful, because had Nishinoya been bigger or Takanobu smaller, Nishinoya would probably have actually knocked him over) while he ran outside. Nishinoya knew he had to find Asahi before Asahi started heading towards Ennoshita and Tanaka’s apartment.

    He’d ran about two block s before he stopped. He realised that he had no idea exactly _where_ Asahi lived. Asahi had told him he lived close to the Faculty of Medicine in a block with apartments for students, but which one of the apartment blocks he hadn’t specified. How was he going to find him now without making it awkward and calling him?

 

AZUMANE ASAHI

Asahi sat at the breakfast table, chewing slowly on his müsli cereal and staring right in front of him at nothing. He couldn’t even feel the taste of his breakfast because he was thinking so hard.

    Asahi was having an inner conflict.

    One of the sides in his inner conflict was blaming him for kissing Nishinoya, or more correctly, letting Nishinoya kiss him when they’d both been drunk. Just because Nishinoya had kissed him, it didn’t mean he liked him _like that_. He wasn’t using common sense while drunk, and Nishinoya was usually, _always_ acting on his whims. Asahi, who had drank much less should’ve stopped it. He should’ve let Nishinoya do it when he was sober, even though it maybe never would’ve happened.

    The other side said that maybe it had been good that it happened. Maybe Nishinoya had gotten the push he needed from the alcohol to do what he really wanted to do, what soberness didn’t let him do. To show his actual feelings, to- no, it hadn’t been good that Nishinoya had done something like that when he was drunk and couldn’t maybe even remember it. What if he was regretting it, right now? Asahi hadn’t thought about that, maybe Nishinoya wished right now that Asahi had stopped him-

    “Asahi, you’ve got yoghurt on your chin”, Oikawa’s voice woke up Asahi from his thoughts and he slid his fingers along his chin until he felt the yoghurt and dried it off.

    “You seem more spaced than usually”, Oikawa commented, looking up from his phone again”, what are you thinking about?”

    “Something happened last night”, Asahi said and started eating his breakfast faster to be able to leave the table faster and flee from any other questions Oikawa decided to ask of him. Oikawa was way too curious about his love life and too good at snooping out secrets. Asahi, who usually wouldn’t talk about his personal life with anyone other than Suga, had been fooled too many times by Oikawa to tell everything. At least Oikawa seemed more concerned for  Asahi’s life than actively wanting to know everything for his own enjoyment.

    “Oh, I see… is ‘something’ a codename for a certain Nishinoya Yuu?” Oikawa wondered teasingly. Oikawa knew almost everything about Nishinoya, or at least everything what Asahi had told him.

    “Hmh”, Asahi answered, having stuffed too much breakfast in his mouth to not need to answer Oikawa.

    “Is that a yes or a no?” Oikawa asked.

    Asahi looked at Oikawa. Oikawa was too observant, way too observant. Asahi still didn’t want to tell him. He felt as if he needed to process this matter further. Asahi shrugged.

    “C’mon, I might be able to help you?” Oikawa pried.

    Asahi thought about that offer. Oikawa wasn’t dumb, and he did give Asahi good advice. He was a good roommate, surprisingly concerned about Asahi’s wellbeing. He could… perhaps… tell Oikawa…

    “We were drunk and kissed each other”, Asahi admitted after swallowing his food.

    “Oh”, Oikawa said, and he started grinning wide.” Oh my god, finally! Wait, he didn’t get mad, did he?”

    “No”, Asahi said”, we got interrupted by his roommate. Then I realised I shouldn’t have let him kiss me while drunk, so I fled.”

    Oikawa sighed. “Asahi, really? What am I going to do with you? That wasn’t good.”

    “It wasn’t? No, wait… how bad is it?” Asahi felt worry creep through his whole body, making him anxious.

    “Well, you can’t just walk away when you’ve kissed him”, Oikawa said, leaning his head on his hand while doing circles with his spoon in the air”, he might think you regret kissing _him_.”

    “He does?” Asahi almost whimpered. Not again, not like last time, he didn’t mean for it to happen, _what if Noya doesn_ _’_ _t like me anymore because I haven_ _’_ _t become a better person when I promised him to be?_

    “Asahi, calm down”, Oikawa said, frowning his brows”, I guess I was a bit harsh there. Look, Asahi, he might think that, I don’t know, maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he doesn’t even remember kissing you. But whatever Nishinoya thinks, you have to talk to him about it.”

    “But what am I supposed to say?”

    “This is going to sound like a cliché, but… just tell him how you feel about him. Tell him… tell him what you thought about the kiss! Tell him that you like him. Don’t look at me like that, I _know_ you like him. Honestly, you can’t ignore this anymore, and neither can Nishinoya. You two really need to talk to each other already.”

    Asahi thought about it. Oikawa had a very good point here, no, he was correct. They couldn’t ignore this any longer. Asahi couldn’t, at least. He needed to confess. If Nishinoya didn’t feel the same, then at least he would know, it wouldn’t bother him anymore. He could maybe try to move on from his unrequited love.

    Asahi ate the rest of his breakfast and went over to the sink to wash it. He tried to ignore Oikawa grinning from where he sat.

      

    “None of your business!” Asahi said, cheeks reddening. He walked fast out of the kitchen and into the bathroom to make himself ready. He decided to not shave, as his hands were trembling from excitement and nervousness and he did _not_ want to have scars from shaving. That would be embarrassing.

    Thirty minutes later he was dressed and ready to meet Nishinoya. He’d barely gotten out of the apartment before he saw Nishinoya running up the stairs. Nishinoya took the last step and looked over at Asahi, and suddenly time froze again for a while.

    Nishinoya was more out of breath than Asahi had ever seen him be. His face was red and glistening from sweat, but his eyes were gleaming and he looked determined. Now that he thought about it… didn’t Nishinoyas breathing sound more than just out of it? More like… painful and strained? What had he done to get so out of breath?

    “Noya? You all right?” Asahi said cautiously.

    “Uh…” Nishinoya breathed deeply”, looking for you…”

    Asahi felt very confused. “Well, uh… you found me?”

    “Looked… through every…apartment block…”

    “You looked through _every_ apartment block just to find me?” Nishinoya nodded, and Asahi couldn’t help but laugh a little, but stopped when he once again saw Nishinoyas determined face.

      

    Asahi stared at Nishinoya. _Is he serious?_

    After a couple of seconds Asahi realised he had to react. He cleared his throat.

    “I would do it too, Yuu”, Asahi said. Nishinoya reacted at the use of his first name, and he started grinning widely.

    “Good.”

    Nishinoya took a couple of steps towards Asahi and before Asahi had time to react, Nishinoya had already put his hands on his shoulders and dragged him down for a kiss.

    Asahi stood still before he came to his senses and put his arms around Nishinoya and kissed him back. He suddenly felt extremely light in his heart and his whole body. It felt so incredibly _wonderful_ to finally kiss Nishinoya because… it didn’t feel uncertain anymore if the other wanted to be kissed or not.

   When Asahi heard the door behind him open he groaned out of irritation and let go of Nishinoya. Oikawa’s face was painted with surprise, and his eyes looked from Asahi down to Nishinoya, and then he smiled teasingly.

    “Oh, am I disturbing you boys?” Oikawa said innocently”, I’m going to meet my study group, so you’ll have the _whole_ apartment for yourselves. For hours.”

    Oikawa walked past them with the biggest grin Asahi had ever seen him have. Asahi looked after Oikawa before he looked down at Nishinoya. He took Nishinoyas hand and pulled him into the safety of the apartment.

    “  Nishinoya noted while taking off his shoes. Asahi nodded.

    “I mean, he’s nice too…” Asahi said cautiously.

    “I believe you. Who wouldn’t have gotten nice after spending time with you?” Nishinoya said and turned to Asahi. He pushed Asahi against the wall, grinning, and stood up on his toes to kiss a very happily surprised Asahi.

    Asahi was shaking with joy and he answered the kiss, and it felt almost as if this kiss was to make up for the kisses they could’ve had during these two years. Asahi felt Nishinoya’s hands on his waist, and Asahi sled down a bit to make it easier for Nishinoya to kiss him.

    When Asahi felt Nishinoyas fingers slid underneath his shirt Asahi ended the kiss and put a hand on Nishinoya’s.

    “Not now”, Asahi laughed nervously, and felt a bit easier when Nishinoya smiled sheepishly.

   “Sorry, you’re right. I got a bit too into it”, Nishinoya laughed.” Oh yeah, are we?”

   “Are we what?” Asahi asked.

   “Together?”

    Asahi thought about it. He smiled a bit and looked away.

    “Well, I mean… I would like to be. But… are you sure about this? It’s not too early?” Asahi wondered.

    “You know, I think we’re pretty late, honestly”, Nishinoya snickered.

    “Noya…” Asahi laughed a little, but then he looked more serious.” Yuu, I promise that I won’t do anything like that again.”

    “You have to stop walking away from me when you’ve kissed me, yeah”, Nishinoya grinned.

    “You know what I mean”, Asahi said.

    Nishinoya nodded. His eyes were steady and determined. Always as self-confident as Asahi remembered him to be.

    “I’ve forgiven you, Asahi”, Nishinoya said”, When will you learn to forgive yourself?”

    Asahi looked contemplatively at Nishinoya. It felt as if that would be the hardest part of it all.

   “I guess I should”, Asahi said cautiously, not knowing if that was what Nishinoya wanted to hear or not.

    Nishinoya raised one eyebrow. “Yeah, you should. Unless… you’re not actually ready to move on?”

    “No, no, it’s not that”, Asahi began, but didn’t know how to continue. Nishinoya tilted his head.

    “Then what is it?”

    “It just that…” Asahi looked down at his feet.” I don’t feel as if I deserve it.”

    When Nishinoya didn’t answer, Asahi looked up slowly. Nishinoya’s gaze was strong, almost scary.

    “Don’t you ever say you don’t deserve forgiveness”, Nishioya said, voice reminding Asahi of the low sound of thunder. Asahi could feel Nishinoya’s warm hands closing around his cheeks, dragging him down a few centimeters, the tip of their noses almost touching”, you _do_ deserve it. Stop hurting yourself like that.”

    Asahi swallowed and found himself captured by Nishinoya’s eyes. It did send thoughts running around in his brain, pondering about Nishinoya’s words and his own feelings towards it all.

   He might not be able to totally forgive himself, right as this moment, put it did feel better to hear someone tell him that he did deserve forgiveness.

   “Asahi”, Nishinoya interrupted Asahi’s thoughts, his voice this time softer, giving Asahi a small kiss in the corner of his mouth.” I wouldn’t have asked you to be my boyfriend if I didn’t forgive you. And you shouldn’t live in the past like that.”

    “You do have a point there”, Asahi mumbled, getting slightly distracted by Nishinoya’s kiss.

    “What are you going to do about it?” Nishinoya asked.

    “I... I do realise it isn’t very healthy not to forgive yourself for mistakes that you’ve made”, Asahi said after thinking for a few seconds.” I really feel bad about it, still, but… not _as bad_ as I did before.”

    “Good. Keep going like that”, Nishinoya grinned”, I will be there to pull you up if you would fall again into the pit of despair.”

    “In the pit of- Noya, that’s awfully dramatic”, Asahi muttered.

    “Well, I’ll be there to catch you if you fall”, Nishinoya still grinned, but then looked down. He fished his phone out of his pocket.

    “What is it?” Asahi asked, trying to look at the message Nishinoya was reading.

    “Ryuu’s wondering if we’re out of bed yet”, Nishinoya said”, I guess we better go, Daichi and Suga won’t stay here forever.”

    “He thinks we’re still sleeping at this hour?” Asahi said.

    “No, I think he thinks we got in bed together”, Nishinoya said.

    “We got in- Noya, wait- why does he think that?” Asahi said, feeling unease rise in his chest. Hopefully, Tanaka hadn’t told the other’s about his thoughts.

    “Uh… oh yeah, I might have misinformed him, miswritten something to him this morning. I wasn’t really thinking when I messaged him…” Nishinoya said evasively.

    Asahi furrowed his brows. “ _You_ will be the one explaining this to them, Noya, or we’ll never hear the end of it…”

    “What, is it bad that they think that we had a great night?” Nishinoya laughed and opened the door.” Let’s go, who cares what they think!”

    Asahi sighed and smiled, before following his boyfriend out of the apartment.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to give a final thanks to all of you readers who made it this far, who gave me such WONDERFUL comments and helped me get through this. Thank you for all the kudos. They mean so much to me! You've all been great readers!  
> If you want to talk to me or anything, you can find me on tumblr as [yes-from-kyro](http://yes-from-kyro.tumblr.com//)


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